be more positive

Spend three nights a week listening to my positive podcasts and book on tape, meditating and practicing my intentions.

is that sometimes when you despise a trait in someone else, it’s a reflection of yourself. I live with someone who talks with her mouth full. I’ve noticed that I have a tendency of doing that at times as well…so I remind myself to slow down, whatever I have to say can wait until I chew and swallow.
My point is this…I am around so many negative people who only want to gossip and focus on the worst, and I am like this at times too. How do you get away from it when you live and work with people like this? Also, how do you force yourself to be happy when you’ve got a case of the blahs?

So I was bored at work and decided to peruse craigslist’s missed connections for shits and giggles. I think I found a post by my ex…for some other girl. She responded back. I live in a big area…of all the days, of all the people, of all the websites…I almost never look at that site. So it sort of sent me into a spiral. Heart racing. Nausea. It’s been more than 3 months since I’ve spoken to him, and although I am trying my best, I still have feelings for him. So then I went a step further and myspaced him, which I haven’t done since even before it ended. I saw his picture. I stared at it for a long time. I stared at his hands. His body. His face. I felt sad for him, for reasons I won’t go into here and I’m not sure if I want him anymore. I might be handling this better than I thought. I am still blue, but I recognize I have a choice at this point. I can be sad, skip the office party and go home and cry myself to sleep, or I can accept it and move on. I’m trying my best to do the latter.

Have you ever done something you knew was a bad idea and still went ahead and did it anyway? Tonight I decided it was a brilliant idea to take off my nail polish on my parent’s leather couch. I thought I was being careful, but apparently not careful enough and some of the leather finish came off the cushion. Damnit. The worst is that I hid it from my mother. She will obviously find out…the pillow I placed over it is not a permanent fix. So I feel so stupid right now. I feel like a child who broke something and instead of owning up to it, which I should have done right there and then, I hid it. If I didn’t live here, it would have been my own couch that I fucked up.
I might be able to fix it with a leather restoration kit, but they are going to find out about the stain before I can get to that.
Just when I have a good night…yoga class, nice cup of tea, some reading done, and then I do something as idiotic as this.
I feel like I am regressing…and none too positive today.

at the top of my list because I think if I can accomplish this, everything else will fall into place, or at least I can deal with misfortune with a better attitude.

I picked up “The Happiness Makeover” at the library the other day. I read a passage or so a night before I go to bed. The advice in the book isn’t all that new, and i sometimes find that the author contradicts herself…like at one point she says that it’s good to be hopeful, but then later she says that you shouldn’t have high expectations because then you’ll be disappointed, but on the whole it’s a decent bedtime uplifter.

I read an article in Reader’s Digest about how being grateful for things can keep you positive. It suggested that you write down three things every night that you were grateful for during the day and why you are grateful for them. I’ve been doing this for the last three nights, and it has made a difference, but I still wake up sad. I am getting over a break-up, so I am a little blue and am hoping that an attitude of graditude will prove helpful. I also watched The Secret and have been skimming through the book.