I dunno…I suppose I haven’t been a BAD father thus far, but I still want to be a GOOD father, or a better father, anyway. In a few weeks I’ll have had seven years at this father thing. My son was born in May 2000, and he’s my bud; he’s like me; he’s funny and smart and creative; I love him. He is high-functioning autistic, but that’s the smallest part of him, and through diet-control he’s in a mainstream 1st grade class and doing great. And I wasn’t ready for kids when we had him.
In August 2002, we had our first daughter. She’s cute; she’s helpful; she’s a princess/ballerina/diva; she’s generous (for a four year old); she’s totally girly and pink. She and her brother fight like cats and dogs, even though they really do love each other. And I wasn’t ready for kids when we had her.
And in November 2006 we had our twin girls, and they really have spurred me to want to be a better dad. I finally WAS ready to have kids this time around, and these two are a couple of darlings. For the first time, I have the patience for the crying and the diaper changes. For the first time, the babies will smile at me, not just stare because I’m not the buffet (that would be mom).
I know I should’ve felt this from the first minute of the first child, but these two have really made me want to shape up my game as a father. Almost every day, I have to stop because I think “Oh gawd, I have FOUR children” and it’s a mixture of pride, anxiety, fatigue, responsibility, and I-don’t-know-what. That’s the heart of it: I have four children, and I want to be a good father.
