quit SI

Its been over a year.

Almost a year. I haven’t had an urge to do it at all. Haven’t thought about it or anything.

Its been a very long time since I have cut.
And its been a very long time since I’ve even thought about cutting.
Its nice.

Its… weird. I guess. How I can go back and look at all these entries. And all the time varies.
Two months. 3 weeks. 6 months. 4 months. 8 months. 2 weeks.
And now we add 29 days to it. On wednesday it will be a month- again.

I told Jamie Lynn it had been almost a month and she told me “I’m so proud of you.”
I wanted to tell her “Fuck you. You never cared when we were together.”

we’re never going to make it.
its never going to be enough.

3 weeks down.

one month down.
almost two.

lets hope for the best.

chloe’ may be on watch for the night
prolly not though

Jamie and I broke up. On our eight month anniversary. (the 15th)

Whats there left for me?

I cannot sleep. Its almost midnight and yeah I know its not that late.

I told Jamie (girlfriend) the other day that I couldn’t sleep b/c I had been crying. She said oh and I said “Hey. It’s better than cutting.” She asked me… If I had been wanting to and I told her the truth- yeah, I’ve been wanting to.
She told me “You better not.”
I… I did not and do not appreciate the way she worded that. I’m sorry. I’ve cut since I was 14 years old. Almost 6 years now. It’s not like I can just shut off the urge to do so no matter how much I wish I could.
I know Jamie doesn’t like it. And thats mainly the reason I haven’t done so since we started dating.

But… I want the scars. I want the pain. That’s part of the reason I got the tattoos. (Yes, I love them and they’re beautiful and I do not regret them in the least.)
She doesn’t understand why I feel the need to cut and I really don’t think I’m able to explain it to her the way I wish I could.

August.
6 months or so.
I’ve been wanting to lately but… I have yet to give in to it.

“Tell me what you need and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.”
- Scott Adams

I feel like somethings going to go wrong but… hey, what do i know?