I have done persistent spiritual, physical, and psychological work these last couple months. After a 26+ hour 6-day empowerment seminar (done by the Art of Living Foundation) the previous week, I have been more productive with school in the last week than in the last two months or perhaps much more. These last three weeks I have been meditating every day, exercising every day (Body for Life challenge), doing some yoga at least three times per week, eating vegetarian including a good amount of organic raw vegan, and taking care of my skin.
Depressive states still come. But I’ve learned to recognize them coming “a mile away”. Earlier this week, for instance, I was able to recognize I had been getting depressed just since afternoon that day. I turned attention to my repressed emotions; repressed negative emotions cause it for me. After writing all that out, I soon snapped back into awareness of my body, and smiled authentically and finally made it to bed. The next morning I was not depressed, only stressed. The whole process of un-depressing myself took about an hour. That is record time.
2008 is MY year of victory. I will both function AND NOT deny whatever my feelings are throughout the course of the day. I CHOOSE what feelings to act on or not, but I must ACKNOWLEDGE them and their subjective information or they will sabotage me like they have through late 2006 and 2007. That’s when a boiling pot of new emotional stressors (from suicide fears to unrequited love to divorced parent-partner drama) all messed up my amygdala because I wasn’t aware enough of what was going on. I am healing.
Overeating is my current challenge, since overeating is so successful at temporarily holding down repressed emotions, which range from anxiety to shame to frustration. Repression’s all about denial. I haven’t decided a specific plan on how to overcome this knotted mess of issues. Maybe I should write that out soon.
