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Mountains overshadow
me
And I am left standing
small
discouraged,
Yet loving him.

Who am I?
This reflection
This image
These feelings.
Do they define me?

I am lost—
Running circles around myself
Until I am in
Such a state.
A state that leaves
Lonliness
Heartache
And other empty words
At my feet.

Who am I?
You cannot define me,
My very image
Screams
Spits
Out multiple versions
Of a girl
I am no longer acquainted with.

Who is this person?
Her face is drenched in years of
Agony
Regret
Mistake
Chaos.

She must leave.
She cannot stay.

My heart on my sleeve
Weak in the knees
YOU
Blew through my life
Autumn leaves trailing behind
It’s over
This lonely love affair
That only I can recall
It’s over
You are only a memory
of gentleman-like qualities
That ultimately mean nothing
But hurt.

Your form-
Potentially sturdy
Kind & Free
You
to
Me
Unsure yet Talented,
A beacon of light
That I cannot reach,
Beyond my grasp-
Beyond my hopes-
Beyond my dreams.
You are unattainable-
So close to my emotions
Yet so far from
My reason-
My needs.

But I wish it were different
Baptizing me
Daily in the love we’d share
Instead
I stare into the open abyss
Unchanged
Unloved
Unhappy.

The world
Is not what it seems.
It is a
Silently breathing
Pulsating
Organism of thoughts,
Original in form,
Yet lacking
In peace.
In me
Pure detriment
Compiled in a rage
Tamed only by
A gentle wind-
A bird’s flight-
A squirrel’s timid gaze.
I long for
This nature,
These blades of grass
And fallen leaves,
Simplicity of love,
Foolishness of kindness,
Brilliance of happiness
This world can
No longer afford.

Look at me,
As if you’ve never seen me.

Whisper it
Like a song on a breeze.

I want to feel you near my heart
Once and for all.

Like glass
Shattered,
I hold the pieces
Of me
Together.
I don’t understand.
I’ll never
Understand.

It feels like I’m spinning.
Never winning
These tests before me.
And in the dust—
As it settles—
There I am
Standing
As tall as a tree.

In my thoughts,
“What about me?”
“Do I hurt?”
“Do I bleed?”
“Do You forsake
All my needs?”
“When I cry,
Do you see?”
“When will LOVE
Come and rescue me?”

I am life.
I need thee.
I am peace.
I need thee.
I am love.
I need thee.

I need thee.
I need thee.
I need thee.

*thanks for cheering everyone! It does mean a lot!

These tears are real
And I can feel
Her heartache
In my heart.
She silently
Sobs
Sobbing me into
Her hurt-
Her pain.
Her name
Is Misery.
It hasn’t changed.
Since he came
Breaking and entering-
Cracking up,
Their happiness
Is no more,
And Misery
Lying on the floor
With a cool rag
On her forehead
Crying to the Lord
To delay His coming
But that she needed Him
Now.
This second
Time around
To pick her up
From the ground
And all around
He spoke,
Forming creation
From the dust on the floor,
“Misery no more.”

When I was younger, we lived near a railroad track. It was close, so close we felt it shake every inch of that old blue house. I heard a horn off a train just a minute ago, and it took me back to that old Prestwick place. This poem is a montage of so many memories—my current complicated state always finds a way to appear. I almost missed this moment. I’m glad I didn’t.

Like yesterday’s breath
Breathing on me—
Awakening me—
Calling me to attention,
I hear it
On the wind.
A whistle
From a distant train.
“It is comin’!
Don’t ya hear
That distant sound-
Near as the rocking
Of this house
And that train.
It is coming speedily.
Watch and see,
For when you see it
You’ll be shoutin’
And tellin’ it
Over here and there!
Just wait.
You’ll see
It’s shorly comin’.”