Be decisive

giving myself credit where credit is due.

i can think pretty on my feet. i might talk in circles sometimes but i know some big words and can use them well. that’s being decisive.

i know what i like and don’t like. thererfore, i can make practically-split-second decisions about what i want, what i think and how i feel.

and half this sh-t is about believing you ARE and CAN DO certain things. i think (i am decisive) thereore i am (decisive)

after much nervous foot-shuffling, i managed to be the first on the dance floor at my senior prom this past saturday.

i dont remember what made me do it. i kept telling people i would, should, or that they should come out with me. but the moment before i did it is completely blank. what i remember next is me and my date alone on the floor with everyone watching us act a fool.

still working on the split-second thing. much progress made, however. i realize now it doesnt really matter… good ending or bad ending it’ll make a good story.

lingering over me!

i have to figure out if i’m going on spring break or not.
i’ve got to stop hanging in limbo with this boy i don’t like. and i have especially got to stop telling him i love him.

two biggest issues of indecisiveness in my life right now. the first can be handled pretty painlessly. the second involves my inability to let people down which i may never, ever conquer (unless i grow a pair for posterity and just NIP IT IN THE BUD! like a big girl.)

will work on it next week. will will will.

i found myself caught up in some bullshit
and rather than revel in the wishy-washy stories i was fed by others,
i went to the source.

it was really hard to do. i cried a lot, to be honest.
but i feel like i can move forward confidently having addressed the issue directly
instead of waiting in the murk for things to “just work out” like i usually do.

now everything is concrete and out in the open. i like that, even if the situation still sucks.

i’m proud of myself, but this is just the beginning.
i don’t want it to be so difficult to act swiftly and appropriately—because that’s not truly being decisive. what if i didn’t have time to think over my course of action? what about those times when i’m just thrown into things?

i’m proud of my ability to step back, asess the situation and act accordingly—- but it needs to happen much, much faster.

into so much trouble with all the waffling i do.

my mom is and has always been a doormat and she’s miserable. i love her but i cant be like that when i’m older. i need to stop being such a wuss for once and for all.