stop masterbating

So i tried to turn my life around at this new years even and i realized how wrong i was and all of this major epiphany stuff and i swore this new year would not have any masturbating in it…or at least a month. sadly today my new years resolution was obliterated. I have no clue what to do and im starting to get frustrated and im beginning to wonder if all the stress is worth it…but i know that in the long run it will be. so pray for me everyone and ill try to remember to do the same.

I couldnt even go one day. My life sucks but im determined to beat this thing. B/c of my problem somehow someone stole our checking account number and now my mom is calling the police and bank to investigate it and im afraid shell find out it was me who started it. I really dont want to have to tell her what a disappointment i am to her. I really dont want to see the look on her face when she realizes that im a horrible person. Has anyone had to tell their parents or someone else? I need to find the best approach.

All i am is a huge disappointment to God. I want to stop but this thing is stronger than i am. I feel like God has abandoned me and there is no one here to help me at all. I want to live for God but this thing is stopping me. I need help and I have no idea where to find it, except here. Guys pray for me because at this point that’s all that is going to help me. I feel like I’m falling and there seems to be no bottom, no ending, no point when ill just stop and be finished. I want my life to be past this point.

So today i gave in in one of the biggest ways imaginable. i was driving to wal-mart to get my oil changed and i almost got t-boned pretty badly and all i could do was walk through wal-mart and try not to have a break down. i want to quit masturbating…i have to quit…i need to quit. i cant keep living like this. i just need something to help me stop. i dont even need porn all i have to do is think so what am i supposed to do stop thinking and become a vegetable? all i know is i need to stop especially with the biggest wake-up call ever…there have been other things that scared me about how my masturbating could turn out bad but this is the worst. if id have died i would have gone to hell and i cant afford that…so from here on out im going to do my dead level best to stop…i cant afford not to…can you?

i feel like ive hit rock bottom and there is no shinning light, no help, no rescue team to save me…i dont need porn i dont need a trigger to make it start all i need to do i sit alone with my thoughts and it just overwhelms me…ever since i found out i had a form of ovarian cancer my doctor put me on birth control and ive heard it gives u weird crazy sex dreams…it does i meant they are the freakiest things…and i know that if the dreams stop and other things stop messing with my hormones then i would be ok but i dont know what to do and i just want to sit in my room alone crying all the time because im so upset and mad and i feel like God doesnt want a person like me serving Him and i just really want this to be a thing of the past

I went for the longest time without masturbating and then it just hit me like a wave. Im not trying to make excuses for myself but i did just start college about 3-4 weeks ago and the stress doesnt help the situation. But i have a form of ovarian cancer and so to preserve my ovaries i have to take birth control everyday and to some of the other girls ive talked to it gives them all these weird dreams…and i just say yea me too i have all kinds of dreams. in reality i keep having the most random sex dreams and then i say to myself no i can masturbate and fall again and i can only fight it for so long and i give in. i really just feel like giving up at this point. arent things supposed to get easier with time? i really dont know what to do…ive gotten to the point where i dont let it bother me anymore. all i can say is pray for me those of you who know the power of prayer. and someone PLEASE invent Masturbaters anonymous or something to get over this addiction.

So 3-4 weeks ago this church camp was starting and i really didnt want to go because i just felt down. Well right before i went i masturbated and i felt horrible the whole way driving down. Well Gods presence was there and it was amazing. I was there for 2 weeks and then the third week i was fine too. But some time this past week or so ive been sitting at home bored and this wave just came over me and it has spiraled out of control and i dont know how to make it stop. I really just want this to be a thing of the past and it makes me feel like im such a horrible person and i that im such a fraud. I just really dont know what to do about life or anything i wish there was almost like and AA for this but i guess this is as close as i can get. I really just want to stop for life and idk i just hate myself every time i do it. For those of you that know the true power of prayer pray for me earnestly and i will do the same for all of you.

So it was a whole week and then 2 more days and this morning i woke up with this dream still in my head and ive been having these super weird dreams and they feel so real…anyways this morning it just hit me but i didnt feel as bad as i normally would… i mean i still felt bad but not that deep depressing i want to curl up in a black hole and die kinda feeling but im still holding on i think i just need to keep praying and work on this with God’s help cuz He is the only one who can really help me at all i hope the rest of you are sticking with it

So i went for like 2 weeks without doing it and then the other day it hit me like a brick wall. At first it was a minor little thing and it was over…then the thoughts took over my mind. I hate myself for doing this but i don’t know how to stop. i want to but sometimes the desire is stronger than the will. i fell like God is so disappointed in me but He could never be more disappointed in me than i am in myself…i really wish i could stop and never look back

So pretty much im a complete failure. I woke up early this morning thinking im not going to do it today. Well, i went to the doctor at around 9:30 then i did a couple more errands and then i went and jumped in the shower around 12 then i just sat around. I started getting really sleepy so i laid down on the couch then i decided to go up to my bed and sleep well im laying there and its really hot in my room cuz our air conditioner is broken. then i start thinking about this guy i know and these weired dreams ive started having about me marrying him. then i start thinking about a life with him and then i started thinking about sex with him and then i just couldnt help myself. it all started with one random thought then i tried to tell myself no and turn over and go to sleep but i just couldnt. i tried and couldnt even do it for one day how can i be expected to quite for good.