dream wildly

Often, when I’m stressed (which is often), I have these dreams that go round and round in a circle: there are minimal elements in the dream (things to do, people, scenery), but what is there just keeps repeating. It’s kinda horrible, and I wake up feeling exhausted.

I had a few nights with dreams like this, and I’ve decided to do something about it. One of my new year’s resolutions is to create an evening routine, and part of that routine will be to avoid screens and electronics for at least 30 minutes before bedtime, instead focusing on self-love and mindfulness things such as meditation, stretching, organizing my space a bit, etc. I think this will set me up for more pleasurable and interesting dreams.

I dreamed of a new word. Pancake said it to me. It sounded funny, but possible as a word.

Then I had a false awakening. I thought I was awake, and that I was remembering dreaming of Pancake’s word. So I got online to see if the word existed. I found it, but only in Urban Dictionary.

Then I really woke up. I went online to see if the word existed. It didn’t, not even in Urban Dictionary. So I submitted it as a new UD entry. HA!, why not?

Movies like this make me want to sign up to be a dream guinea pig at the local university …

I had a lovely dream about 43things.

I was in a boat, paddling around a large watery area. I came to an island that had large well-manicured topiary letters to form a sign. I don’t remember what the letters read, but clearly it was the name of a 43t goal. There were people around the sign, laughing and chatting, and there was a silent area behind the sign where people could go to write a note and leave it or perform some kind of ritual. The silent area was a sacred space. Some people came to the island by boat, like I had arrived, and others by car (there was a small footbridge connecting the island to the mainland). I looked around and realized that there were many such islands – presumably one for each goal. All of them had the same format: with topiary letters reading out the goal that the island represented, people socializing in the area of the letters, and a quiet space behind the sign. It occurred to me that there are thousands of goals on 43t and this park must stretch for many many miles, so some rich person must have donated the land to build it.

Pancake has been thinking about / talking about / reading about lucid dreaming lately, so my interest in the subject has been reopened.

I’m back to writing my dreams down in the morning, and what a difference it makes to my ability to remember them! Knowing that I will write them seems to put my brain into remembering mode.

I had a wild experience with dreams and reality swirling together yesterday night. It was a bit scary, but the fear passed into amazement quickly enough.

I was dreaming about a scary and intense moment – a stranger had invaded my space and was trying to take my purse. We struggled and he hurt my physically. I woke up. Then I saw Pancake standing at the door of the bedroom. It was strange to see him just standing there in the middle of the night, not moving to or from the bathroom, but I figured he got up too fast and had a head rush, so was standing still until it passed. After a moment he started walking toward the bed. Then he disappeared. In reflection, I only assumed it was Pancake because I was awake and the figure resembled him being tall and thin; but he didn’t ‘feel’ like Pancake. I was startled by this, and I touched the real Pancake (sleeping by my side) on the shoulder and said his name. He was deeply asleep and didn’t respond. I realized I must have had some residual dream images floating through my mind, that I had hallucinated, and I was not afraid, though I was startled. I got up to write my dreams. After a few seconds, I heard a shrill sound behind me. It was Pancake, awakened by my movement. He was making a horrible face and he said, “I am a vampire.” I screamed twice at full volume before I collapsed into sobs. Pancake thought I was kidding: he had no idea about my nightmare and subsequent hallucination, so he hadn’t meant any harm. When I told him what I had experienced prior to his attempt to give me a “small fright” he felt horrible! It was such a bewildering experience – layers and layers of reality to wade through.

Then, to add to the odd feeling of it all, I watched Twin Peaks Season 2 Episode 1 last night [the evening after the experience described above]. It was the first time I’d watched it, so I didn’t know what would happen, and I was amazed by the synchronicity it provided. The FBI agent is laying in his room, unsure if he is asleep or awake. A tall thin stranger enters his room for a time and then leaves by disappearing. Later he realizes that he was truly awake when he experienced this.

I guess I’ve been listening to so many episodes of This American Life lately and Ira Glass is getting into my subconscious. Last night I dreamed that I was listening to an episode where he had interviewed me (I don’t know what the topic was) and afterwards he went to Pancake and asked his side of the story. Ira explained that Pancake’s answers were emotionally uninteresting (I was offended as I “heard” Ira say this – and it took some time upon waking to realize that that thought came from my own subconscious) so instead they were playing a brief story by a famous author that said basically the same thing, but more skillfully.
What the author’s story said was this: There is a chimpanzee sitting on a log, fishing ants out of a hole in the log using a long stick. He would eat the ants off the stick and then put the stick back in the log to fetch more. At one point, one of the ants cries out to the chimpanzee, “Please don’t eat me, for I love life!” This causes the chimp to pause and think. After a moment he says, “Life is fleeting, that is the point of it. The fact that there is no guarantee of tomorrow is what makes today all the sweeter.” And with that the chimp eats the ant.
I woke up so thoroughly from this dream that I left the bed and went to my dream journal to write it down, even though it was only 4 am. In the morning I told it to Pancake and it made him laugh. I feel like it must mean something, but I’m not readily finding an interpretation.