Work At Being Happy.

Man is ruining is their natural environment.

The elephant family has been working hard to slow down the desimation of their natural habitat. Seeing the ‘elephant family’ darted around London has been indescrible. I can’t explain how happy they make me feel just seeing them darted around London.

A couple of weeks ago Mister Man drove me and the kids to Chelsea to visit them. It was just breath taking being there, I was not able to walk around and see them all, Mister had to wheel me around most of it as I was feeling so weak but it was great watching the children’s excitment. ‘Little babyboy’ kept kissing them while ‘Princess Patience’ wanted lots of pictures with them. ‘Speedy’ and ‘Princess world of her own’ just wondered round like they were on another planet, while my the latest god-son sat in my lap, dribbling at most of them, I think ‘Dumplin’ thought they were something to eat.

A great day and a brilliant cause. The little ones put all their pocket money in the box – I’m dead proud of them. I will be sad when it time for them to go but I have the memories and the feeling they inspire.

but the I don’t watch TV much but I have fallen for two adverts that just give me the giggles and just make me feel so happy – got to take our joys in whatever shape….the Birds Eye ads with the polar bear in the fridge and the Five Alive dancing dodo. Like I said: sad i know but I just love ‘em!

The last few weeks have been difficult as Mister Man is struggling. I believe that being happy takes work, sometimes things happen that make you feel happy but to maintain this oh so fleeting state takes work. My health and emotional well being has been better partly due to this goal and so when Mister Man came and announced he was leaving. Going away to sort his head out my first thought was ‘oh no what did I do’. That quickly changed to ‘i haven’t been doing a very good job of supporting you’ but then I stopped the mental chatter and tuned him back in; I kept breathing despite the butterflies tying themselves up in knots in my stomach.

He left. I was gutted. It took a whole 24hrs but now I am happy. Happy because he is doing what he needs to do to heal, happy that I had the good sense to not create a scene, to hold still and just let it be, happy that I am trusting in this process and that in time only two things will happen he will come back or he won’t and I will cross that bridge when I get to it, till then I am happy in the knowledge that he loves me, us enough to take the time to do what needs to be done.

I walked my god-daughter and her best mates to school this morning. It was great listening to talk of X-factor (apparently “Bill & Ben” are rubbish but funny), The Jonas Brothers are to die for, Pixie Lott is cool and Lady Ga Ga is just different and that’s cool too; I was annoying at times as I had to ask who some of these people were, I need to keep up but at least I supplied giggles as they rolled their eyes at my ignorance and I just enjoyed basking in their world for twenty minutes :-)

Made muffins, wholemeal bread and carrot cake for the neighbours and my aunt who lost her husband a couple of months ago. I woke up this morning and just felt like baking, it made me feel so happy and I decided I wanted to share the fruits of my labour simply because I wanted to; it was great.

I honestly think I was inspired by Tiisi and Sherlock’s enteries, so thank you.x

I cannot claim that I worked on being happy today, I simply just decided to just be; however, my other ‘family’ made this a very happy and beautiful day.

This was a bitter sweet day, as my birthday has always meant ‘family’ and being with my family on my big day, of course because I managed to end the cycle of abuse and control, (which made me extremely happy) my entire family have cut me off. This pass year has been very hard at times, especially when five of my relatives died this year; thus, this day I did not want to celebrate, I wanted it to slide by quietly and peacefully. However, seven of the most amazing women I know planned a surprise dinner party with party games, singing, laughter and lots of tears of joy.

Upon reflection I realise that dispite the pain I love my family, but I have to accept that they cannot love me the way I need to be loved and they cannot see/don’t want to see the good in me and that is perfectly fine because these women are my family and they have always loved me good or bad and I thank the Universe for such a beautiful gift.

Happiness is only possible with my active participation but it is even sweeter when experienced with beautiful people.

Reading all the post in support of Sherlock was truly uplifting and has been something that has made me very happy.

I am gutted that she titled the orignal entry ‘bad mother’ as I don’t think she is that at all, trust me I know some bad mums but what made me happy was to see that despite some very ignorant people’s comments that many people at 43T stood their ground and would not let these viper tongue people get Sherlock down and that she was given the support she needed. This is why I always keep coming back to this place because of incidents like this; it reminds me no matter how cold it can get there is always warmth here.

Thank you.x

Razz51 message and support.
Mister Man holding me through today as the clouds were beginning to become entrenched and I was going to let them stay.

I hold onto those little lights and yes, today I smiled despite the tears.

Today was a really awful day. Emotional mess, painful. Relationships are so hard, but it seems so much more painful when it is family.

Spending time with my friend and her 18 day old baby did not ease the distress today; no matter how hard I tried to work at keeping that feeling of joy filled contentment. I have to admitt today I failed at this goal.

Brought some flowers to brighten the living room.

Cleaned the front of the house, including the doors and loved the fact that everything looked shiny, clean and new in the bright sunlight.

Sitting infront of the tennis. Totally enjoying the fact that I refuse to give in to the voice in my head telling me to get up and do something, as this sitting is being really lazy.

Ah….happiness all round.