Daily: Have a good laugh at least 1x (Happiness Manifesto Declaration #8)

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A few minutes before the church services started. The congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man and said, “Do you know who I am?”

The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”

“Aren’t you afraid of me?” Satan asked.

“Nope, sure ain’t.” said the man.

“Don’t you realize I can kill you with one word?” asked Satan.

“Don’t doubt it for a minute,” returned the old man, in an even
tone.

“Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY
for all eternity?” persisted Satan.

“Yep,” was the calm reply.

“And you are still not afraid?” asked Satan.

“Nope,” said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, “Why aren’t you afraid of me?”

The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for 48 years.”

Guys? Watch your steps this summer!

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to
forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because,
Lord, if I pray for Strength, I’ll beat him to death.
AMEN

A jumbo jet is making its final approach to the Tampa Airport . The pilot comes on the intercom, “This is your Captain. We’re on our final descent into Tampa . I want to thank you for flying with us today and hope you enjoy your stay in the Tampa Bay area”. He forgets to switch off the intercom.

Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilot can be heard saying to the pilot, “So, Skip, whatcha got planned while we’re in Tampa ?”

“Well,” says the skipper, “first I’m gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap….then I’m gonna take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner…. then I’m gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and give her a ride on the baloney pony all night long.”

Aghast and amused, everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle, trying to figure out who this new stewardess is that the pilot’s talking about.

Meanwhile, the new stewardess is seated at the very back of the plane. She is so embarrassed that she starts running toward the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady’s bag and down she goes.

The old lady leans over and says: “No need to hurry, dear. He’s gotta take a shit first.”

He he he ;)

...you have been warned…CHECK IT OUT—HE HE HE!

A note left for a pianist from his wife: Gone Chopin, (I have the Liszt), be Bach in a Minuet.

Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”