channel my anger positively, or at least not negatively.

This is something that has affected me profoundly so I thought may be I’d share here.

I have noticed that I lose respect for people who yell, it has happened time after time, and even unconciously on my part—and mostly even when the yelling was not directed at me. And after that, I almost never have been able to respect those people the same way again.

It’s really interesting because there is no way in hell that I would want someone who is around me when I am angry and frustrated to lose respect for me like that.

Anger is not empowering, anger is not power, anger is a sign of weakness. It may scare people, but people are not scared because they respect you, or they think you are powerful… they simply consider you weak and unstable to be around. It is not something positive for display at least.

However, I have tremedous respect for people who do not lose their cool even during the most difficult situations. I want to be one of those people—nothing is worth destroying your brain cells and self-respect over.

I’ve found a good way to deal with my anger is to write on myself. It makes me feel so much better to put the words not just out, but on myself, it makes me feel as if I’ve brought the outside. I’ve realized that I need help.

Sometimes I feel so angry at myself, so frustrated with myself, so disappointed at myself that if I had the same feelings towards someone else I would surely hit them. I’ve gotten away from an environment where I constantly felt angry, and it seems that now I’ve directed the feelings towards myself.

I’ve become stuck in a spiral of negativity, and feel hindered to accomplish anything. At home, the anger was directed towards something external, real people, real things, real events, but now it’s just something inside that I can’t see or touch. And having an unknown “enemy” is a lot worse.

I don’t know how to channel this anger, before I had some degree of control. I used the anger to motivate me to do better, get out faster… but now it’s INSIDE of me, and I just want this ball of anger out. I want to be happy again.

Right now I’ve put very loud music over my ears just so that I don’t have to hear them anymore, their hurtful words, and their anger towards me. I am leaving soon though, only then my life will begin. But for twenty days, I have to tolerate being in hell, and then facing a brave new world.

I’ve began to have severe headaches throughout the past 5 weeks. I think a big reason is the people around me and how angry they make me. It’s terrible, and it really hurts. I guess they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, I hope this doesn’t kill me. I am just sick of all of this fighting, I wish it would stop. I wish I had a moment of peace.

My family makes me quite angry at times, they are unbearable people. However, I’ve decided to try to channel my anger positively and focus on my future rather than let them get me down.