forgive others

My spouse made decisions without consulting me. Those decisions turned an illness into a terminal illness. It’s been 3 months since that fateful day.

While I understand the motivations behind the decisions, it still hurts that I wasn’t consulted, nor was my future well-being considered.

I love my spouse and appreciate what he tried to accomplish. But, I also carry a lot of pain with me. Pain that might have been avoided had he been willing to try.

I’m trying to let go of two areas of trauma from my childhood. Every time I think I’m successful, I get slammed by a memory triggered by a sound, a scent, who knows what.

- From earliest memory I suffered from the hands of a family member who liked to fondle any woman without the sense to stay away from him. He’s dead, now, and I still want to do the happy dance when I think of his demise
- I had a stepmother who hated our existence. She did everything she could to drive a wedge between us, our father, and our paternal grandmother. We went many years of not communicating with one another because of the hurt. I cannot bring myself to stop wishing her the worst that could befall her.