have a family

Recently I seem to be connecting with people on a similar wavelength & thriving with my friendships!

I am so grateful :)

It’s ticking…

I’ve wanted a baby since I was a teenager. I need to wait until I have more money to maybe seriously think about this again.

At the same time I believe that when it happens, it happens and the universe will provide & there will always be people to help me when I stumble at being a mother.

I’m excited!

I haven’t seen any of my close friends in 9 months!

Wow – I hope she buys the ticket today…It would be so amazing to see her. We’ve been really good friends for 9 years & we have some good timezzz shared from being ridiculously silly as first year students in college…

She hadn’t emailed me in almost two months.

I know she was having internet problems, but somehow I thought she had given up on our friendship.

Today I got a long email from her. She had no internet access for a while. she wrote to me saying how she had some of my past emails printed out because reading them energizes her and reminds her that she is loved.

I can’t believe I doubted this friendship.

I am blessed. Even though most of the people I care about live in far away countries & continents. Over time i will make important friends here in Canada. I must be patient & remember that I am still loved…

I tend to have these amazing connections with people. I have a friend who I have never met! One of my friends from New York City thought we would connect & get along so she sent her email ad to me last year. Since then we email & talk a lot. She lives in Connecticut, and we’ve never met in person, but she feels like a sister or a mother to me.

I am blessed.

i’m still trying to find myself…

maybe a few more years!

maybe one day.

Five friends contacted me this evening – just to chat, find out how I’m doing…

I am so blessed.

I miss the family environment I was a part of through my old job.

I need to find a way to see my NYC community again at the end of this year.

For some reason I feel rather misunderstood lately.

Most times I just want to be alone with me. It’s always really refreshing when I meet someone I can be myself with, though.

People who will always love you and look after you.

My childhood was simultaneously rich & rough. My parents were raising five children and working full time. I know they tried their very best. My inner child didn’t see their best efforts sometimes. My inner child remembers moments of neglect and she can still see the scars. The adult in me has let go of the past and learned to love them from a distance.

I am blessed with beautiful people wherever I am. People who I call family now : T, H, M, DA, B, AS. All these people live far away from me but let me know that they love me and are there for me.

I live in a new country now. I made the choice to be here & make a home here. I am wondering who my family is here? Family is deeper than the hello goodbye friendships. To me family is this feeling of safety. There are two people so far in this country that feel like home to me.

I want to build my family. To know that I have people I am there for & who are there for me.

I’m not feeling well right now so that’s why I am going on about family. I realize that I’m lonely & not good at asking for help. Also I realize that I need to invest more time in nurturing & building family friendships.

Of course there is that dream of having a baby in a few years. I’ll save that for another entry…