be a good doctor

Life has gotten in the way and I didn’t have the time or the courage to keep you posted.
The first part of my “stage” ended on Friday. I think I learned a lot but I’m glad to be on a break to study.

I was having doubts on my skills and knockledges but the others externs kept telling I was really good and would make a good intern; kept asking advices from me … I was really touched by that!

But I have to say I was a bit disappointed by the way we treat patients. If a 60-year-old man came in for a nerve problem, according to the inter, there was no point in doing a ECG. o_O ?! Seriously?! It takes 30 seconds but no-one wants to do it?!
My dad told me “stages” were there to show me what kind of doctor I wanted to be; he said it was better to think others are not doing enough than too much.

Now (and for the next few weeks), it’s gonna be all about the learning and then, back to practicing!

After two weeks in the neurological unit, I can say that:
- I’m capable of being a good doctor
- Medicine is fascinating
- I need to study
- 6 students for 10 patients is way too much
- I’m exhausted
- To be continued …

First morning spent with patients today.
Gotta say I was super glad to remember/understand tons of things. I am so thankful to my previous intern for that.
I just can’t wait to have my own patients. We are already 6 students taking care of 10 patients but I hope we’ll work it out.
Oh, and I started studying a bit already ;)

Will spent three months in the best neurology unit in Paris :D
So excited!

Today, I looked up the different hospital units I would be able to work in this year.
I made a selection among cardiology, neurology and diagnostic medecine (mostly) units. I hope I’ll be able to get into the ones I want!

And I’m so excited about being an “extern”. I need to see patients, I need to learn new things, I need to feel useful, I need the rush. I just hope I won’t be too disappointed …

I went to see the intern from my hospital training. It was so weird!

I remembered well his face, his manners and his voice but seeing him again was totally different. He was apparently glad to see me :)

I could help but feel overwhelmed. I can’t stand the idea I might never see him again. At some point, he will be out of my life and I’ll have to deal with it.
“You will not ever see him again.” This sounds so stupid. It sounds like he’s dead. This is so wrong. He’s there, he’s a human being: I could see him again if I really wanted to!

And I’ll have to deal with this stuff for each internship in each hospital unit I work in. Getting attached to people there and having to leave. I know I won’t be able to keep in touch with everybody at some point … but why not try, at least? How do you cope with that?

I’m not good for goodbyes.

The hospital training is now over so I guess I won’t have much to write about in the next two months.

The last day, the intern “gave” me a patient that no-one in the unit had seen yet. I was so excited/proud/thankful. I hope I did a good job.
It really was hard to work by myself but I think I asked some relevant questions to the patient.

At noon, the intern thanked me, took my notes (for the patient’s charts) and said goodbye. I had written him a letter so I gave it to him (before bursting into tears).

I also saw I got a 18 out of 20. I don’t know if the other students got that kind of mark but I don’t care! “Very motivated and dynamic”. Exactly what I was hoping to get!

Things are going well and I think I’m getting better.

I had a few troubles with the other 2nd year student; but I got advice from my cousin and I’m now doing things my way.

The end of my hospital training is approching and I’m feeling sad and anxious. I don’t want to live this place or the people I work with.

I’ll still have a way to be in touch with the third year students but not with the intern. I’m trying to think of a (personal) way to thank him for everything he’s done for me. It might look like a love letter but I feel like he’s had such a huge influence on me; I can’t just say “thanks” and leave.

Any ideas?

I’ve been disappointed by a patient who left against medical advice.
I’m the one who got to know him first and I think he was depressed. As in, real depression.
I’m kinda worried about him.

The other 2nd year student was pissed off this morning because she thought the intern was rude to her. She didn’t know the basis of the neurological exam and to me, showed total lack of interest. Then she bitched about the intern, saying she had other things to do than learn about neurology (when we only spend mornings at the hospital).
She later told me she thought she over reacted.

I spend the morning on the phone trying to get lab results and patient date; I think I was efficient. I didn’t get to see many patients, though. The intern asked me if I had any and I was hoping he would put me in charge for one of them but … I don’t think it’s gonna happen. There is now a 6th year student with us (staying on afternoons too) so she does most of the work.

Yesterday evening, I was told I had passed my finals. I’m going straight to third year (without any subject to study this summer).

Hospital training is going well and a senior doctor was apparently satisfied of my “observation”. I hope I’ll be able to keep it that way.

This may sound pretentious but I’d like to stand out of my group. I want someone to reckon that I’m doing a good job. We’ll see if that day ever comes …