go back in time

when I first joined here. I had such simple expectations of that goal. “If I could go back in time..I would read more, love more, dream more.” So simple, I barely paid attention to it. Until, three weeks ago.
If I could go back in time, I would go back to three weeks ago.
I would change the events, that made me, exactly, the person I critized..the person I married.
I could say, seeing you in jail that day, with tears in your eyes, when you saw me..was more than I could endure…I could tell you, that I drive, randomly, an hour after I leave jail, just so I stop crying…..I used to say, it was just “you” that made things a mess. If I could go back in time, I would probably see, it was me too.

I would have paid more attention, to how my grandmother made potato pancakes….
I would have returned that email..
I would have had less pride, and have been more humble, more accepting..
I would have realized, that children, do not stay little for very long, and I would have hugged them longer….
I would have realized, that living in the moment, is more important, than worrying about the future..
I would have said..’I love you Dad” more often when I had the chance

my neighbor..gave birth to baby number 4 yesterday, this time a girl…....she asked..can you take the kids for about an hour? My husband is tired…he spent a lot of his energy, with me and the baby yesterday…....of course, I can do that.
It does take a village, Hillary was right…but I enjoyed it.perhaps more than I did watching my own kids….the little one is but not even 2…....and we all, each one of us..enjoyed watching him, be him….his 2 year old self..taking everything out withour putting it back…...smiling,pointing, laughing…I was happy, although, when I took that sweet person by the hand, and walked him back across that street…I am going to make a terrific grandmother!

at work, leaned over, handed me me his cellphone and said “Check this text message I got from this girl I met Saturday Night when I was at the club. You must admitt I am pretty talented with the ladies to end up with a text message like that!” he smirked…
“Talented? Let me tell you what talented is..talented, was finding a pen, when you were too drunk to even find your purse, than hunting down a beverage napkins that was soaked with booze so that the phone number won’t run as you wrote it. And if you were really talented, the next morning, with a throbbing headache, you were able to still find that phonenumber…..add the fact that if you could not find that phone number, you sat at home by the phone hoping he could find yours…
Dating with cellphones, is not talent…the 1980’s dating, now that, was talent!”

that I spent tonight on the web..sleeping!

I have been offered one last opportunity ..to make this everything..that I did not do before.. it will be a long time till we meet again..but I will hold his sweet hand in mine, hold it close to my face..feel the love of the man I can never be with forever….and when days are dark and nights are cold I will draw on the that moment in time

If I could go back in time I would relive today….and I would change today..I would have listened when he said don’t leave…I would have quit questioning whether or not he actually wanted me there….No One travels that distance..sacrifices so much as he does…and I would take his hand again..hold it mine..and tell him again and again that I loved him..and when I leave him..I smell my shirt over and over and over again..for it smells like him…

Going back in time would mean that everything you said was still tolerable..and acceptable…and I would still be capable of making excuses for your behavior and your attitude towards me..I would keep beleiving that things would change..and that somewhere..in your soul..you would love me the way I needed to be loved…..
Funny that you stil see me a this person who lives back in time…The truth is I am lying my ass off to become a person with a future without you