be less angry

this morning, as I watched the news
I was angry, when I saw, a professional man, not being able to detach himself from his belief, and his professional obligation
And I could have walked away with that anger, that feeling, that the world, will eventually just do the world in
But I saw heroes…...young brave heroes
Who sheltered, protected and tried to save, that soldier, that person, that American, that life, next to them
carrying a victim to safety before you realized that you, yourself were shot as well.
I won’t be anger, tonight, I will be proud, that no matter how difficult the circumstance, we still, care, about each other

do I…put this entry tonight? All that I ever wanted, from you, in my life, happened today…......you were that person, that I thought you could be…some 21 years ago…..and I am angry, as you try to find me after so many years…..I have always been here….and I am caught, between enabling and believing…..I can help you live your sober life, because that is what is best, for you, for the children….but I can’t change the person, that 21 years, that your lack of sobriety, has made me..and I can say, that I love you,for what you are trying to be..I support you to be..that sober person…..but honestly, I know, your doing this for you,,not for us,not for me…because simply, this time, you were, that scared…and, for that reason, I will always remain..a bit angry

I signed into my yahoo..and this caught my eye, a letter from a former AIG emplyee Jack DeSanits….here’s an exer
“That is why I have decided to donate 100 percent of the effective after-tax proceeds of my retention payment directly to organizations that are helping people who are suffering from the global downturn. This is not a tax-deduction gimmick; I simply believe that I at least deserve to dictate how my earnings are spent, and do not want to see them disappear back into the obscurity of A.I.G.’s or the federal government’s budget. Our earnings have caused such a distraction for so many from the more pressing issues our country faces, and I would like to see my share of it benefit those truly in need.

On March 16 I received a payment from A.I.G. amounting to $742,006.40, after taxes. In light of the uncertainty over the ultimate taxation and legal status of this payment, the actual amount I donate may be less — in fact, it may end up being far less if the recent House bill raising the tax on the retention payments to 90 percent stands. Once all the money is donated, you will immediately receive a list of all recipiet”
This letter was 2 pages long, he wrote how he worked 12 hours day…so do I…he mentioned he was misled….well, here’s my letter
Dear Jack
I work in a cube, very similiar, to the stapler guy, from the movie…”Office Space”......Nothing fabulous here, but as a side note, I have recently been scratching my head, when it comes to my employer…It doesn’t take a master’s degree, to kinda figure, that there just isn’t something that smells right in the company you work…I’m just sayin….
And just askin there Jack, would you have donated that money, had you not been pressured to do so? Seems to me, everyone’s a saint, once the crap hits the fan….....
My company has not accepted a bail out, but we have have been asked to forgo our small 400 bonus…..to keep us in business..
No one asked me to say ok to that….no one would have even realized I did, but I wanted you to know, ALL of us are sacrificing…some of us publically, some of us privately… Sorry, you did not see it coming..maybe you should have watched Office Space…

Relax, all’s good! We’re friends right, I am the Loan Shark, and for right now, you still got some time to pay me back for that loan…..
And, honestly, why not share that wealth with your friends?
Threw them that “Big Ole Bonus Party…Heck, I’d do the same thing, if I hit the Power ball….....
But I would LOVE to the 73 names on your guest list….....
Actually, I think those 73 names, who were invited to your little “Bonus Party” should be made quite public….
I mean, they are hot…everyone in America wants a peice of them..
Don’t keep that all to yourself AIG..share the wealth

Dropped the F bomb, at least,,,,100 times today…..
from the second I awoke…turned on the tv..”Oh Look, how nice Good Morning America is airing early, due to all the presidential Festivities”.....turned back around, “holy St, no they are not, its fing 7am…not 6am..your ride will be here in 15 minutes”....
F bomb, after F bomb, after bomb….....probably this should not be a goal anymore

you can start over and make amends for the things that you are not doing right in your life….I did not always feel that way,,so today, I am starting fresh…I am angry with you, but I realize that berating you, is what you have done to me for years, I know how that feels, how it kills confidence, that after hearing negative comments..you beleive them, regardless of if they are true or not. I will not handle my anger with you like this anymore. For even though, we have a mountain of issues to work on, I cannot hurt you like that..I know, that you had little encouragement when you were growing up, and this still saddens me, I do not want you to relive that feeling twice…
I will be more focused, state clearly what is bothering me, and NOT resort to personal flaws…saying your overweight or that I never loved you, is not true, it said to inflict pain…I want you to grow, and encourage you in that direction..if you do not grow with me, than I need to accept that, but I do not need to hurt you in the process

to make this..a reasonable goal, but today, yes I am angry….
I bailed, on going to Heinz Feild, to watch, the last game, our football team will ever play..for they will merge, with another school next year, regardless, of whether we want that or not….I bailed, simply because I knew what to expect already…that it won’t be about the the kids…at first, yes was, you tailgated, wore the colors of our team,cheered out in the elements, that were, cold, freezing, actually….
I do not have a child, that plays football, or cheerleads them on in to victory….
And I went out tonight, to the local establishments, simply to hear you praise them…...
How well they did, how proud, you were of them…
And I had to wonder, if you actually thought, that they did a great job, if you actually thought, they were heart broken…
Why…are you, not home, saying..wow…I don’t need to tell a 100 people how proud I am of you..I just need to tell you…
I am proud of you..
you did a great job..
But no, tonight, this town, did not disappoint me…..
The team….regardless of the score, were winners…
The parents…....sad to say, deserve the merger

I can browse an issue of “Town and Country” magazine…in total …awwwwww, look how nice everyone looks! I wish I had that diamond, that watch..if I ever get rich, my house will look like this…and so and so forth…
But not to today..
I grabbed the first black marker I found..and just like when I was six….every model…in that magazine…now has hairy eyebrows, a mustache, several black teeth, and a beard…..
Yes, even the models that wore Prada..they too fell under the evils of the “black magic marker”...there were no survivors…
I feel so much better!

The nice part..is I can just scream here…..
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
yep, that feels so much better !
Thanks!

that really didn’t go my way today! Now, you can take into account the fact, that from the second the alarm went off, nothng would have brought me greater joy, than throwing myself under a speeding bus….Oh, but does it stop there? NOOO! Now granted I shut down my computer during a software update, and I neglected to read the email that told me to leave it on…so needless to say, I fried it! Yep, everything went completely blank! But, Lord do you IT guys have to re-enact the movie “Office Space”????..”Yes, I got the memo about the TPA report..opps I mean the email about the software update!”
Why is it I have never found an IT person without an attitude? I am your friggin job security, as long as I sit in my cube, and they continue to give me a computer, you and your family..will never starve! But do they treat me like that? Oh hell NO!
I got a crappy attitude and snide remarks…
So, much like when I didn’t want to take gym that day, and I didn’t want to explain it to the teacher…I use the same response to IT as I did my Gym Teacher
I just look ‘em straight in the eye and says
“Opps!” “Must be because I got my period this morning!”
Scares the crap out of them..(at least the guy ones)...