hug my kids more often

posted it on Face Book..My status..Proud Mother of a WVU graduate”..The week he came home before graduation, I asked..”what’s your game plan?”
He said, “back off I just got home”...
A week later, driving home from work, I got a call from his grandmother…”What are you doing?”
“Umm driving home”, I responded..
“take the long road, I need to tell you something..your son failed his class he won’t graduate, come May..don’t be too hard on him”
I didn’t need to take the long road home..there was no ccident that left me a mother without a son…..there was just a son, too afraid, to talk to his mother…I parked the car, went in the house, found him upstairs…and silent, to me, but not to his Face Book friends…I sat on the floor, handed him, a cold beer, and said “I heard there’s something you need to tell me..”
“Mom, taking an online class, will work at JC Penny’s, and graduate come December..”
“Well, I am glad you failed, you have a game plan now..that’s all I wanted..”
Face Book status, so happy to be the mother, of a kid, that learned a lesson, all I needed was a game plan

had an enchanting night at the ballet.
I could say that it was because, I took her to my favorite little place to eat on the South Side. I could say, it was how pretty she looked and how well behaved she had been that night. I could say, it was because, she made me laugh,when she said, how much she loved the big bathrooms at the Benedum. Even how lovely the performance was that night.
But the most lovely thing about that night, was when I fussing, over her hair, and I said, “Oh Eileen, mommy hopes you really enjoy tonight”
And she put her head to the side, crinkled her little nose and replied,
“Mommy, I just want to spend time with you. Just me and you, that will be fun!”

Birthday, will be enchanting!
The Pittsburgh Ballet Theaters production of “The Three Musketeers”
Opening Night, no less, when everyone is in their splendor.
I whisper to her every night before bed..”That night, you are the princess and I am the Queen. This is your royal birthday party, and the ballet, is performing just for you. And everyone that is there, is your invited guest. They clap when you clap, they remain silent when you are silent, they look to the Princess, to see what they should do next”
She giggles, but than she snuggles close against me
“We’re you once the princess Momma, and Grandma the Queen”
“Yes, my love, a long time ago”

come home. The typical college kid, home for the weekend, returning home, after a night on the town with friends. I was sleeping on the floor, waiting, like mother’s do, when their children aren’t home.
He turned on the light, asked if I was awake and handed me a beer, a sure sign, something was on his mind.
Even though tired, I obliged. We, talked, at length about this school year, the friends that graduated last year that are no longer there. About his future, about how nervous he feels at time and than we talked about God. He told me how angry he is at me for not believing.
I tried to explain, I believe there is a God, for my children, for they are good kids. God and I have an understanding I told him, he does his thing, I do mine..I won’t keep praying for things that never happen, so I am no longer angry when I cannot even feel the slightest help from God. My son said something that will be etched in my mind for the rest of my life..”I’m afraid, mom, afraid, that when I die, if I go to heaven, I won’t ever see you again, because you don’t believe, I don’t know what I’d do..”
I did not know what to say, as the sun was rising, through the window of our kitchen…
I thought maybe God, doesn’t have to speak directly to us, perhaps, he speaks, through our children, and hopes, that we listen.

at WVU, to accomplish, what seemed like an impossible dream, 4 years ago. This year, it seemed even more impossible. How could his last year, be harder than his first? We had still not secured a loan, to see him through the entire year. My faith dwindling, I drove him down Sunday, with a heavy heart. I knew I would have to turn around, in two weeks and pick him. But I wanted, to give him hope, that some miracle, might happen. Monday morning came, and three phone calls later to financial aid, I started to cry..”This is never going to happen…” on call number 4, Evelyn answered…Evelyn will never know what she means to me….She took her time, explained everything, by the time everything was said and done, he had a 3,900 scholarship, for good grades, all the federal loans were maximized, and this semester, as well as last was paid in full, with enough remaining to buy books.
When he walks down, in May 2011 as a WVU graduate, I will silently, thank that dear Evelyn, for without her, I know, he never would have been able to achieve this dream.

lately, in a series of bad decisions..choices…yes choices…
I could not escape, my own misery….I slept or wanted too, as I watched my children, become the parent…..
Everyday..I learn, to be better, to try harder than I did the day before….
I can do this…one 43 things post at a time….

I awoke, much earilier, than everyone else…I have to work, the kids, are on Summer vacation. I work from home, my make shift office, is in my bedroom. It is not, unusual, for one, one of them, to have a nightmare, and crawl into Mommy’s bed.
Well into my day, I glanced over, frequently, at my eight year old..who had not noticed, that her mother, had well left her side hours ago. And she will never know, how I watched her this morning…butterfly eyelashes, occasionally, smiling while she slept, so peacefully….
And I wanted to take a picture of her…and simply entitle it..”How I Spent My Summer Vacation”
For than she would know, how I watched, her, even while she slept..that is never, no monster so scarey, that mommy and her cannot fight together

feeling rather crappy…..signed into my email, out of habit…
expected nothing…but junk mail…...
Third email down….Devon (my son) wrote on your Face Book wall…
that’s odd I thought…......so, I opened the email…..
“Mom, I was listening to Tupac tonight, My status here, is dedicated to you”
scrolled up a bit…..another email, Devon wrote on your Face Book wall….
“Don’t respond, to my status with anything stupid”
Signed into Face Book, read, son’s status…..Face Book status….”you are appreciated”....
I knew, what he meant, for we, together, had listened to that song, a million times….I could not Face Book the response…and say simply, I really needed to hear that…...I am not sure, how he knew, that, I was feeling, rather down, perhaps, that’s the wonder of these children we raise…that a hug you give them, is a hug returned, when you most need it..even if it’s via a Face Book post

is one of my favorite things to do!

in walks my daughters from their trip to the mall..
“This is for you” they say, as they hand me a bag…
“For Me?” “Really?”
New Moon Sweethearts candy..with Edward Cullens on the box..
from my 16 year old..she hates Twilight….so that was an amazing gift
And a Red valentine bear holding a heart, left over from Valentines Day, that said “crazy in love” from the little one
Now, who couldn’t love that?