accept my darkness and my need(iness) of love

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there will be curses or negative talks behind me again, after the Belgic rubbish…he will go back to join the cunning Bangladesh, plus the old French double-tongue….
curses….

went to the church, that woman was old enough to know `hospitality’. but who care? and why should people care more? you are nothing, noone.
i woke up with the echo of the bastard police saying : “catch her!” w/o any mistake i have done. i want to do something that works.

Be granted the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and to have the wisdom to know the difference…
化腐朽为神奇

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

i don’t know, neither sure that i could see the stars. But hopefully, one fine day…

19/11 5.20am LCCT

Dear 90-y.o me,
Arrive KL around 12.30am. A very rare sleepy feeling contrasted my nocturnal habit, i thought i don’t mind to pay to have a fast & quiet sleep in the nearby Tune Hotel. But i figured it out it was a bit too far. Give up.
Found out Skybus still in service, until 2am. But i decided to hang around here, i know very well inside me, i like the atmosphere of airport. eventhough now I could go back the city n check in a dorm nearby, but walking with luggage in the middle of the night in BF area is not a safe act.
and, yeah, why not just sleep around in the a/port with others. less spooky, less lonely.
I picked a private corner near a family n for the first i was purposely willing to sleep on the floor of a/port which was a misery for me 12 days ago when i saw the scene while i was here for departure.
For the first time, i guess, I arrive at the a/port w/o knowing the direction of home, w/o the sense of belonging.
it’s funny that a girl have think about her next plan to settle herself in before the day light upon arriving a place she has been residing for almost a decade!
anyway, i slept sound from 1.30 to 4.30am, about 3 hours. unexpected.
Guan Yim give a hint: 玉莲投水 ” Jade Lotus Go to Water” for my current situation’s solution~ which is a good sign.
I gotta follow my instinct, try my best to live out this complicated situation.

and not be scared to be loved