practice pronoia

pathetic is it that I’m giving up on this goal, of all goals? It’s just too far too reach right now, even with the positive developments.

OK, I just realized some ways in which the universe has been conspiring to help, argh! It’s so hard, physical pain is so sapping, its so insidious, it’s taking away so much…
But I need to keep my mind and will strong. Am going to focus on meeting the day with a positive attitude, and the list I made there…

grace has come to us, dh got the job!!! We’ll be moving to Ann Arbor in a couple of months!!!

So, last night I tried to stay up meditating, and during it I started composing a letter to my teacher in my head. I’d been meaning to write to him for a while now, and feeling guilty of my lack of disciplne and my feelings. I asked for guidance in my practice, for something that would help me either heal, or deal with this pain.

This morning I got an email from him, mentioneng when he’s practicing, and when his upcoming retreats are, so we can practice at the same time and join in the group’s qi. This may seem silly, but it was just the support I needed, at least enoughto get me to actually write to him.

I usually find this easy, especially when meditating regularly. But, lately my discipline has waned, and with it my attitude, and the universe has responded in kind. ;-)

I really think reading all of your entries (teammates and people I’m subscrbed to) is helping me come around. Whether it’s due to the exchange of energy (and all of that woo-woo jazz) or it’s behaviour modification: listening to positive tapes (even if they’re not my own tapes), it’s helping. Thanks!

Really, just wanted to thank you all. And I’m hoping I get back on the meditation roll, and begin to practice pronia again, instead of its ugly cousin.

P.S. Little bit of pronoia: in the midst of the weird “babbitt”-like struggle at the old pto, and the drama/politics of changing schools for my kid, I’ve been going to the nature center here more and more with my kids, and went to this incredibly fun “spooktacular” event. It’s just such a happy place! Not only is it a natural setting, everyone who works there is so happy, fulfilled, and talented.

The mom of one of my kid’s playmates, asked if I’d be interested in a volunteer position there. So I’ll be writing a resume/cv for the first time in a while. I’m scared (why), but also hoping it’s the universe’s way of helping find my place in nature, and in town.