I seriously want to give up. I decided to go the easy way, and go for the guy I don’t really like but is just so much easier, but my determination to let go lasted about a day. I went into town to buy some new drawing pencils. Turns out the other guy now works at the stationary shop. All my new resolve just vanished when I saw him. I had to avoid going to his cashier as I don’t think I would have been capable of saying anything other than declaring that I love him to the entire store. And that would not have been good. He was just so gorgeous and I completely forgot how sexy his voice was. It’s all way too complicated. It’s so stupid how much he makes me feel. I thought I would have a heart attack, my heart was beating so fast when I saw him at the cashier in that blue shirt that is the same beautiful colour as his eyes. And to make it worse I was in such a panic about seeing him and not throwing myself at him I brought the crappiest drawing pencils ever. So I’m going to have finish my piece before it’s deadline with pencils that snap every two seconds.
pips16 has written 4 entries about this goal
I met a guy. We met at a fancy dress party and he came over and talked to me straight away even though he had never met me before. He was so different from me. He was so confident and calm and didn’t care about what anyone thought of him. He was so tall and I loved the way I had to look up so far at him, as I only just reached his shoulders. I loved the way his arms felt around me and the way he smiled at my lame jokes. But I can’t help but feel like it isn’t right. I still can’t get the other guy out of my head. I kept comparing the two all night. His hair wasn’t as light and he didn’t always have to brush it out of his eyes. His hands didn’t fit perfectly with mine. He didn’t have the same slightly crooked smile that made my heart stop beating. In a way this guy’s confidence was annoying. I wanted the awkwardness that was so adorable, and the way he used to blush and look away when I caught him looking at me. But that isn’t going anywhere. Maybe I should go for the guy who doesn’t make my heart beat faster, but who makes me laugh and talking to him as easy as breathing. I just don’t know anymore.
Well this isn’t going well. Actually that’s not true. It’s not going at all.
I suppose everyone wants to fall in love. I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t. And I count myself as one of those girls who spends their time daydreaming about the perfect boy. I know that in this day and age people say you should be independent and not need a man to complete you, but I disagree. What’s the point in being alone? But on the other hand what’s the point in being in love? If I’m completely honest I don’t know what love is. I know what it’s like to have stupid crushes that go nowhere because you don’t have the guts to be honest about how you feel. The amount of times I have found out that if I had just been honest that boy would have told me that he felt the same. But of course by the time I’ve found out it’s too late. But this time I want to go for it. I know that’s just not me, but I can try. The biggest obstacle facing me is that I tend to fall for boys I barely know. I fall for what they say and how they look and how they make my heart beat faster, but if I’m honest I fall for who they could be as opposed to who they are. Like the guy I currently can’t stop thinking about. I love his blue eyes and his deep laugh and his floppy hair, but what do I really know about him? All I know is that I wish I was his and that he was the boy who couldn’t stop thinking about me instead of the other way around. So I want to go for it. But this time I want to know who he really is before I get myself hurt again. I guess this isn’t about falling in love. It’s about finding out what love really is. And all I can say is that I hope he can help me find out.