Overcome ADD

Oh, how I miss my wall calendar. 2007 ended (obviously) and I have not purchased a new one. “Why?” you ask? Mainly because if I don’t write it on a list, it doesn’t get completed. The calendar is useful for me to mark when credit cards and other bills are due. So far this year I think I paid 4 late fines for different bills….because I haven’t used the calendar. Yes, I get the paper bills but they mean nothing to me. My mind doesn’t get it when I see the paper bill. It’s merely a cue for me to start thinking about when to pay the bills. This past month was good though.

I’ve also been brave to have 3 things debited monthly from the checking account. I would not have done this before for fear of not managing the money properly…not using the check register right now. Which I know is quite dangerous for financial things. “OHIO” has not been on my mind and the mail will forever be a battle. I went through some of it the other day. It still piles up in different places- just not as much. I guess it’s improving still. I’m paying attention to how I feel “imbalanced” when the clutter starts and it pushes me to start cleaning. It’s a teensy bit of progress for now.

Trying to incorporate this technique “Only Handle It Once”- very tricky…very very very tricky to master. Gets me to stop myself (sometimes) from overthinking the many ways I could still use something- and thereby ending up keeping lots of unnecessary stuff. “Cleaning day” just tends to be “moving day” if I don’t make a decision right then and there about something. The mail pile thing is starting to decrease. Yippee!

I’ve been doing fairly well with the calendar so far. The mail, not so much. Still kind of piles up. I DO look for a bill though and try to set it aside from the rest of the mail. Unfortunately, as soon as I write out the mortgage check, I start thinking about when to write it for next month- about 8 days later.

Work is improving in miniscule amounts- I’m actually seeing my supervisor’s ADD rather clearly- it has me irked somewhat. Her sense of time management is much different than I initially realized. Sometimes my attention for detail backfires on me. I can’t seem to understand why I can’t capture that for myself. Instead, I find myself editing and re-editing things like emails and work documents. (You don’t even want to know how long it took just to post this.) It zaps my time yet I can’t seem to set boundaries with this problem.

I’ve been taking more notes with work to stay organized. Unfortunately, I also have to accept that this field/job requires that you will not always get the work done that same day. Having work left for the next day frightens me (for fear that I will neglect and forget about it). I keep sticking with the lists/notes to help though. I guess I have managed okay for now. I sit and wait for my supervisor to find something wrong. If she calls me for an impromptu meeting I get jittery. I also hate having my work second-guessed. I’ve also learned that my supervisor tends to forget things she wants to talk about- this can work to my advantage, and I won’t remind her- so I don’t have to listen to criticism…hehe. Awful, I know.

Ok, I’m saving the entry now! clenches eyes closed- clicks heels 3 times…

I started reading up on things. My current read is “A.D.D. on the Job- Making Your A.D.D. Work for You” It’s opening up answers to things for which I didn’t have a question- mainly because I wasn’t quite sure what questions to ask. It’s been liberating to finally realize there were reasons things happened in my life. It’s almost as if this book was written about me in some respects.

Since I have always failed miserably at resolutions- I chose to make some changes. I designated a specific calendar to use for helping plan out bills for the month. I’m a couple days behind but that’s to be expected since this is only the 2nd week. I’m concerned about work and asking for extra help on things that I know will ultimately be very stressful if tackled on my own. I’m pretty creative so I am sure I will be able to figure a way to get some assistance without it threatening my job.

I’m also learning to take a bigger step back away from things, learning to pace myself, and reminding myself that I tend to be more sensitive to things- breathe deep and don’t take it so personally!

Not diagnosed by a doctor but, with my profession, qualified enough to know! It’s taking a toll on me lately and has me thinking about the past. Pieces of life are coming together like a puzzle and it’s beginning to make better sense now. I kind of denied the idea that I might be afflicted by this- then to know that your father is as well!

I’m not concerned about running around saying “I’m ADD!” I teach people to look at their diagnosis as a barrier rather than an illness. With that, how to get around that barrier- yes, I know sometimes it is a long path. So, right now I want to know how I can: not cut people off when they are talking, keep my mouth shut, keep my house maintained, pay my bills on time, manage my money, have better time management, get paperwork done the first time, finish something (finish anything, really), etc.

I’ve noticed myself cutting people off in conversation a great deal more lately, and it bugs me that I can’t seem to zip the lip. I don’t want people disliking me and thinking I am rude. I’m contemplating medication- just to see one alternative. I’d much rather use a natural approach with healthy eating and more exercise. Ugh, we’ll see where this journey takes me. I’m glad to see I am not the only one feeling some of these things.