get over depression

I’m so over depression!! I’ve been off the meds for some months now, and I haven’t flipped out or anything so i think thats a good thing!!
Things that make me happy or keep me from being sad
I got a new job..YAY!!! I like it a LOTTTTT.
School started, so I’m super busy not so great but it keeps me busy
My boyfriend and are getting better at communicating..i think
I love myself!!!!!! kick ass, this is good

Soo things have been ok, but i’ve been feeling a little better. When I turn into super bitch i have to stop and seriously re-adjust my attitude. So when i realize that I’m being rude for no reason i try to take a moment to just breathe. I stopped the meds my rheumatologist said they’re interferring with lupus so yea. School finally started so now i’m too busy to really be sad. Sometimes i’m still sad but for the most part i’m too busy to think about it. so on the up and up i guess things are getting better.

Last night i went to this dance concert. It. was. amazing. During those two hours i was at peace with myself. I wasn’t worrying about my bills, my shitty job, or my parents. I didn’t care about school, friends, or the gas that it took to get there. All i was able to do was look at some very talented dancers do their thing on the stage. It makes me want to take more classes, so i can get better. But that would require both time and money-which i’m seriously lacking. And that made me sad. I love to dance, so why is it so hard? Why can’t i have money to do what i love, or the energy? Why does lupus make me so tired i can barely blink. So stupid this is really stupid.

So today I’m working. This week has been really crazy, with school/rehearsals, work, school. I’ve had so many errands to run on my off days that they didn’t really feel like off days, lol. So now its sat and i get off in a few hours, but not to rest. I have to go home eat, get ready and drive all the way to the valley to watch a ballet tonight. I would take the night off but i need to do a dance critique for my ballet class. And the class ends on tues, so this isn’t really optional. But since i’ve been so busy I haven’t really been that sad, so that would be the upside of all this. hmm I think i’m on to something.

So I’ve decided to finally face reality and go to the Doctor. I went because I thought i was suffering from an anxiety disorder. I was wrong. It turns out that I’ve been suffering from depression for a few months now, and recently its been really bad. I’ve seemed to have lost that love for life. I detest so many things its ridiculous. I’ve lost interest in a lot of things, and people irritate me more now than ever. It seems any little thing makes me sad. At work today I found out how much private school costs for the kids that come to my job and it pissed me off. At first I was in shock then that passed and i was pissed that people actually pay $25k per year for k-12 schooling. I know it has nothing to do with my life, but damn $25,000 a year!!!! and thats before college?! That is insane. It made me sad to think that i can’t even pay off all of my tickets (yet) and people can just drop money like that and here i am struggling. This sucks.
I might be starting medication soon, I just started seeing a Shrink and he says, “I can help you” Yea, yea I’ll be the judge of that. Oh well, hopefully things will get better :(