quit drinking

After all of that misery, all the drunken, weeping nights, feeling trapped, failing work, stressing relationships, escapism, self-loathing, hatred and soul-crushing that my life had become over the past few years, I am just now starting to feel like I have caught myself and am slowly getting in control of my life, step by step. More than anything, I notice how the little decisions add up and make a big difference in my life: every night I don’t get drunk, I make better choices and in general I am less lethargic and paralyzed feeling. Mostly its the little things: I choose to pay a bill or answer an email instead of ignoring it. I change little things at my job and actually work on the projects I am given instead of just mindlessly surfing the internet. I have the courage to stand up for myself and end a relationship that was making me unhappy. I have improved relationships with colleagues and friends and slowly, I hope to win back trust. In general I feel much more confident and in control. ALMOST ONE MONTH!! I can hardly believe it. I still have things to pull together and I still need to work on the “thriving rather than just surviving” part, but I can definitely say that I feel better. I do. I still have a long way to go but at least I can see the road now.