survive my long distance relationship

Well it’s been 5 months since I even wrote anything on here. Things are going so well I cant even begin to describe how happy I am and how relieved. Granted, we still have a long ways to go, but it is going so well. We havent even had a major fight in over 2 weeks, down from our usual 4-5 every single week.

Our one year anniversary will be this Sunday. I am so happy we have made it this far and excited about where the journey will take us next.

Keep the faith, it can work… I’m living proof!

Well it’s Monday. I picked up Tommie on Friday and thus began our weekend of togetherness! We did have a concert to go to on Friday, but… to make a long story short mapquest.com fucked us over and after driving about 2 hours in the wrong direction we figured we would make it there just in time for it to be over so we gave up and just went back to my place. So friday night we went out for pizza and drinks, it was so nice to just be able to hang out, laugh, see him smile. Just a really great night. Saturday we slept in all day, then partied all night, yesterday we didnt even get out of bed til about 4 in the afternoon. Lots of just nice hang out time, which I really needed.

I’m starting classes on Wednesday. And to sum it all up: SCARY! I have really challenging classes this time around and I’m not entirely sure how that’s going to work out with the whole long distance relationship thing, but I’m not worried. Tommie and I are doing really well so far, granted it’s only been about a week apart and I saw him all weekend, but I get to see him next weekend again so I’m not going to worry this week.

I stayed with him last night, and I’m actually still here just hanging out in his room while he’s in class til 1:00, then I’ll leave sometime after that. I know staying longer will just make it a little harder when I finally get in my car and leave, I just cant leave, not yet. I need one more hug, one more kiss, one more smile and one more “you’re so gorgeous”, can’t live without them.

Well today I am actually feeling better about this. We talk on the phone constantly, I know things will change a bit more once I’m in classes as well (next Wednesday), but for now things seem to be going okay. He’s doing a good job calling and checking in, I still have some trust issues, and I just like the calls to reassure me nothing funny is going on. I have a webcam so he’s been able to see me on there, and I think he’s going to get one this weekend which will continue to make it easier, I want to be able to see him just like he likes being able to see me when we’re apart. I get to see him Friday, and spend the entire weekend with him. It will be busy though. We have a concert on Friday night, so all together I’ll drive about 10 hours on friday, but it’s so totally worth it. We’ll be together allll weekend. I miss him so much, but I’m starting to think this is actually going to be possible. Not easy, but possible.

i never knew i could be so sad it actually hurts

this is our first official day apart. i left him at school yesterday morning. yesterday was bad, today is just.. lonely

i think that sums up how i’m feeling, just lonely.

We had another fight last night, my fault totally I know. I had a few too many drinks and then it turned from just having a good time to thinking “I’m going to miss this when he’s gone” and “how do I make it without this” etc. So then I start crying, and then we just got into a huge fight, and at some point I honestly ask him if we have so much trouble getting this to work when we’re 6 inches from each other, what happens when we’re 2.5 hours. He had no reply.

He promised, once again, that we would really sit down and talk about things.

But tonight, tonight I’m not allowing myself to worry about any of those things. Tonight is our date night. An all out get dressed up, do my hair and make-up and not worry about anything but this exact moment, the perfect moment.

I’m sure anyone that actually gets on here regularly is getting annoyed with all my entries, so.. sorry.

We didn’t talk last night. It was the whole “something came up” thing. Granted it was legit, he needed to help his brother out with something, and I understand that. It just seems like I’m the only one worried about this or wanting to make sure we cover all the bases before he leaves.

So then we had a fight via text message in which, of course, I end up apologizing, because I always feel like I’m the one that did something wrong then, but he texted me back with something that just.. set me as ease…

“I honestly understand why you have been this way and I’m sorry I haven’t been awesome about it either. I love you and I dont want things like this to mess up the big picture of us, being together forever”

So he said we could talk about stuff today. I really hope that happens. I had a few too many drinks last night and just got upset about him leaving all over again. I can’t help but cry every time I think about him leaving. Things will just be wayyy too different. It’s like, whenever I’m doing something with him, anything at all, grocery shopping even, all I can think is “What will this be like when I’m doing it alone?” and it terrifies me to be completely honest. I don’t work without him.

As I fell asleep crying while he held me he promised me we would work.

So he’s leaving in 22 days. And that’s just seeming like wayyyy too little time. I’m so not ready to let go, and I’m just at the point where I’m not even sure how to feel. We’ve only been together 5 months, and this is already our 3rd try at a relationship. This time is so much different, but I’m still so worried.

We haven’t talked about anything, at all.. expectations for the relationship, nothing. I feel like time is running out..