become anorexic

ok, so this is it. I’m through. I can’t go on hating myself. I just want to be happy again. I’m gonna’ eat, and i won’t throw it up. Even if i get fat. I’m sick of contemplating suicide, and hiding this disease. I’m not fat, i’ve lost 50 pounds, and i wasn’t REALLY fat before. I love all of you so much, and i know that you won’t agree with me. But i hope you’ll at least understand. i’m going into treatment, i want to be better. So thank you all for the advice, and for just being there. I won’t forget this, and you guys are part of it. But, in a good way, i hope to come out a stronger person. I have so many things to do with my life, and a disqusting amount of oppertunities being thrown at me, and i’m not going to throw it away on a long slow suicide. right now, my mind is so completley fucked up, and i just want to be normal. I want to be happy again. and i will be. So, again, Thank You. Lotz of Love. And Good Luck with the rest of your lives.

xjennx

The drops of rain, they fall all over.
This awkward silence makes me crazy.

Look at my arms. hehehe.

xjennx

sry, that was

http://www.freewebs.com/world_war_me

xjennx

i started a new site.

http://www.frewebs.com/world_war_me

All it’s got now is definitions. but i just posted tips on how to purge, so if you need help-check it out. I’ll have more later.

xjennx

hey guys, i’m at 125!!! -4 pounds since last time. OK, i’m dating Lovely bulimic screamo boy’s brother. which is kinda’ weird, but he was so cute about it, we were at a show(his Brother’s) and he took me outside, and got down on one knee and asked me to go out w/him. And it was just so damn cute. Now, i don’t normally even date, but i actually like him, and i don’t think i’ve ever REALLY liked anyone before. OH! and i’m exicited to say that i can see my ribs. I was throwing up, and there’s this mirror above the toilet, and i can see my ribs, like, between my boobs-you get me, and my shoulders have gotten really bony. But, oh well, i was just weighing in. Lotz of love&Luck

xjennx

YAY! i’m hungry again. YES! you guys are so lucky, you get to go to school, I don’t. I just stay at home all the time. But it’s ok, i have practice on Friday, so that’ll keep me busy, and a show on Saturday. I’ll sleep all day sunday, and practice all night. YES! My weekend’s completely filled up!
Lotz of Love

xjennx

ahoy. i’m so happy, because, although i ate more than i should’ve, i didn’t binge!!!!! I had a small plate of food, and then some pie. And then we went to this local show, so i didn’t want to be all full for that,(it was awesome, by the way), and i had a little more when i got back! YAY! no over-eating. NOWWW….Christmas. lol. BUT, i heard the most glorious noise tonight. See, there is this absolutley gorgeous guy with the most amazing voice that sings for this local screamo band. He’s about 6’3 and probably no more than 115 pounds. well, he went to the bathroom, and stayed in there for like, ever. So ne way, i went to the girls bathroom(and there’s only a thin wall in between) and what did i hear? gagging, and coughing. and….vomiting. so this gets me thinking. maybe skinny boy has a secret. so later, i went up to talk to him, and sure enough, he has the most lovely purple freckles around his eyes(broken blood vessels). so, that totally rules, and strangly…it makes him hotter to me. i don’t know him that well, but i need friends who do this too, so i’m gonna’ start hanging out with him more, and make sure before i say anything-NOT that i would say anything to embarrass him, maybe just trick into telling me. he, he. i’m sooo evil.
ne way, b’day party tomorrow. gotta’ make it through. but then i have practice on sunday, and i can get away with not eating really easily. Well, good luck guys. and lots of love
127 this morning, not down-but not up either.

xjennx

hey guys. Thanksgiving again today. i would binge, but i have plans for afterward, so i don’t want to be all full. Yesterday, all i had was hashbrowns. From Waffle House. i got away with NOTHING else. If i can make it through today, i’ll be good. I’ll look at all my fat family, maybe that’ll curb my appetite. Lotz of Love.

xjennx

hey guys, i had two meals today. Big meals, with fries and fast food. AND ice cream. EEWWW! but i puked it up, so now i’m gonna’ have a snack, and go to my friend’s house. Some triscuts will hold me over until thanksgiving. Good Luck to every1! And happy early Thanksgiving, just think, this time next year, we’ll be thankful for our skinny, skinny bodies….

xjennx

This is me a few MINUTES ago. Strangly, i thought i was smaller than that- i think i’m getting out of ‘the mindset’ well, i guess i’ll just have to get back in. And, yeah i think mine’s turning into bulimia too. which sux, because i don’t keep anything down, But anyway, i’m at 127 now, slowly, but surely. I was gonna’ fast until 120, i fasted for 2 1/2 weeks, and then i picked up this purging thing, technically, there are still not a lot of calories in me, but i don’t like it. Well, fuck, guys, i’m gonna go do it again, in just a minute. Hooray for the fattie. Seriously though, see why i need to lose weight? i just won’t COME OFF!!!!! i’m getting so mad. You’d think 43 pounds would be more than that….

xjennx