Be confident

I figure this goal is too vague to ever be completed, so with this I will retire it…

One of my small goals as of late was to model for something other than friends doing school projects, so when I saw a sign for a calendar which would feature the women at my college. I fretted and fretted and decided to try out. Scared and pasty white, I had a couple shots taken in a new bikini. A couple months later, I got an email that I made it in. A couple months after that, I spent half a day at a photo shoot accomplishing a goal. It felt good not to be shy or scared, and it’s something I’d like to try again sometime.

I think….
since my “get buff” goal is getting decent attention…
if I can help this goal by trying to get some local jobs as a fitness model?
It’s always something I’ve wanted to try!

I am really struggling with this one. Lacking confidence is one of my biggest weaknesses :(

i went to a portfolio review tonight. had 5 field professionals look at my work. advice i usually get is “you’re articulate, but you have no confidence in your work.” so i dressed up nice and spoke with a smile, at one point i did get a little defensive when one of the guys was criticizing a piece, but overall they just gave me rave reviews and one gave me a job lead :)

i worry a lot. that really hurts my confidence. i could add a “worry less” goal, but i think that is a more negative goal than trying to “be confident”. i like to think positively.

today in class i actually spoke up and answered some questions in lab. something about being behind a computer screen is empowering to me, kind of like a safety device, even though it really doesnt hide all that much.

“From the person who has spent the most time with you during this stage of your life I want to give you my take on your journal entry. I will not comment in there because I don’t desire to be judge by my company.

The start of your freshman year you did outwardly express your eccentricity more. I had no interest in you until after the blue started to fade. If you must be an in your face individual then you need to accept that you will not be part of society. Sure you can be part of the group of freaks and outcast but that is about it. So if you miss being seen as a freak then embrace your quirky blue haired side.

This whole line of thinking was probably brought on because of your mock interviews and trying to find the passion you once oozed with. I got news for you the little blue hair girl has not gone anywhere. She is inside you and will always be there. You cannot be any but who you are. Sure you can change but your core never will. Getting older doesn’t mean you have to become cold and dead inside in order to succeed as professional. Having that fire inside inspires all around you. There is no doubt that you are very unique there is no reason to be a freak to be seen as unique. I know you are unlike anyone else and that is one of the reasons that I loved you and in many ways still do.

This is important and I think you should really try to understand this. You are struggling because you think the professional and the little funky-looking blue hair girl can exist at the same time. You are wrong because they are both part of you. Being professional doesn’t change your heart and who you are. Accept the duality within yourself. Sure some times you have to play is safe and express your uniqueness in control ways but that doesn’t change who you are or the way those that truly know you see you. You don’t need blue hair or to live as a crazy poor starving artist to be an individual because you already are. Stop trying to define everything and breakdown the walls that you have made. All defining yourself does is limit yourself. True art does not have to be seen as artistic. True wisdom may even seem foolish. Let go and accept. Stop striving to rediscover your passion and let it find you.”

make sure youre not looking up to the wrong people.