Get over my first love

I’m done with the first love..I have been married 10 months to a gorgeous, wonderful, sweet guy and he is my one and only..life is so great with him..he makes me so happy…
I remember it was really hard to get over my first love ..and extremly painful..I wouldn’t have wished that sadness on my worst enemy…
I never thought I would find love again..but I did..he found me and he made me forget the pain..
I’m so distant from that pain I felt back when..that when I read everyones entries on this goal…it’s hard to even relate now to what you all are going through..but I remember it was so hard..only time can be the healer…..
It’s important to heal properly..don’t be bitter..don’t feel resentful..for ever anyways…take the proper steps to heal your heart…allow yourself to feel the pain and sadness, the anger and the loneliness…and only when you are able to think back to the past memories and have only good feelings..are you ready to move on cause you’ve healed.

Yes I am over my first Love. Sometimes however I get caught off guard. I flew to california Last Monday and returned home late last night Sat. I went to visit my best friend candice and one night we went out to dinner with some friends to their family’s Italian resturant. Alex one of the girls, was going to bring her new boyfriend…and when they walked in my heart seriously felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. Her boyfriend looked exactly like my first Love Derek!!!! Exactly. From the clothes…personality, laugh, eyes, body, shaggy hair, smile..he was gorgeous!..I couldn’t believe it. I don’t know what came over me but I wanted to grab him and kiss him right there in front of everyone..I didn’t care that he was Alex’s new boy..she’s not even my friend, I just met the girl…But then I realized I was married now and that snapped me back to reality pretty fast. But that didn’t stop me from thinking and aching to kiss that boy…..Oh I wanted him so bad..you have no idea. Sometimes I really miss Derek. I had a dream about him last night.Hadn’t had one of those in awhile.

This is a poem I wrote about a vivid dream I had a while back about my first Love.It gave a me a sort of closure. He had been the one still holding on to me…he wouldn’t let me go..and in holding on to me he wasn’t able to move forward in his potential relationships…The girl in this dream is a girl that he has been close with for awhile, she is a really great girl that could really make him happy, if he would stop holding onto what we use to be but will never be again …..

Alone I stand across from you on the 
otherside of the road
I see you lying there on the grass
I want you to see me but you don't
That girl is with you who is she?
I can see that you care
But there's a diatance what does that mean?
Should I ask, I don't dare.
Finally you aknowledge me
I feel a coolness, there's a breeze
The silence falls between us
Hurry catch me 'fore I fall down to my knees
As you come closer, you say hello, your smile I can see
But wait why the tears, who did this? Was it me?
Have I hurt you caused you pain
Me I've felt it many times
Felt the pain, felt the ache,
Felt those tears from all the crying
You pull me close and breath me in
Like you've done a thousand times
And soon our lips are touching
Your taste familar, so divine
As we slowly pull apart
Again I see that girl she's staring
I question her but you say she's nothing
That it's me your Love I'm baring
We cannot be
You must let go
You've got to run and not look back
My heart was weak
But I've moved on and a new loves filled these cracks
There's no more pain, there's no more ache
There are no more tears from all the crying
I loved you once but now no more
So goodbye old Love stop trying
At this moment I will leave
I will walk and not look back
The chains are gone and I've moved on
A jaded love that's long since past

Writing that entry made me realize that it was up to me to choose if I wanted to hold on to the boy who first stole my heart, or let go of it all and give everything to my new love. It’s up to me to choose. It wasn’t like the first love was holding a gun to my head making me hold on to feelings of him. It was all mental and I needed to change my mind set. I did just that. I made myself believe that everything about my new love was everything I would ever want, better than the last love and believing that for myself has made me feel a deeper love for him…..I’m sure there will be times when the first love will enter my mind and I will wonder where he is and if he ever found a new love..but..for the most part I’ve decided, I’m over my first love…