only say it once

sometimes it might be my problem – I want them to stop doing something but maybe I should just let them

e.g. C the other evening at dinner. I kept asking him to stop talking about that topic, in front of all those people, he kept talking about it.

But why should I ask him to stop. It made me feel extremely self conscious and nervous but maybe that’s my problem. Maybe I shouldn’t expect people to listen to me even if I am in distress.

This is definitely a recurring theme.

If I was more zen about it, it wouldn’t matter anyway.

“I don’t mind whatever happens”. That can be my new mantra in those situations.

C has told me I sometimes keep going on about something, and didn’t hear him say yes or agree with me. It happens when I am stressed and care quite strongly about the thing in question.

But for him it is a bit annoying.

What I need to do is assume he has heard me, rather than the ingrained assumption I have which is that I haven’t been heard. Assume I have been heard. Wait and see if he heard. Maybe his reactions are just human speed, and not in line with the instantaneous request. That’s okay.

I know it is based on my experiences growing up etc and several negative reinforcements through the years. It is time to change that pattern.

Assume I have been heard. Wait and see. Assume I have been heard. It’s okay.

Thank you C for being able to tell me I do this. Thank you C for still loving me even though I do this. I’ll do it differently now.

Thank you Colm