Consider my own needs when making decisions

I was mulling over this goal yesterday and realized that I needed a better description for what I’m trying to accomplish. It’s not so much that I’m getting pushed around and need to learn to defend myself… the real issue is that I OFFER to do things that aren’t beneficial to me. I will often VOLUNTEER to place other people’s needs before mine, whether or not there’s any kind of reciprocity in the short or long term.

Now I’ll have to add that I’m happy helping whenever I get the chance, and doing random acts of kindness… it’s not that I always need a favor in return! But I have a tendency to bend to other people’s wishes at my own expense, when there’s no need to and often when they don’t even expect me to. Helper mentality I guess. Example: when trying to schedule a meeting/get-together/appointment with someone, I will often agree to whatever time works best for them, whether or not it fits into my schedule at all.

I’ve noticed that other people don’t have a problem telling me when a time/day doesn’t work for them, and that’s that! I on the other hand am more likely to rearrange my day around their needs. No more. I need to stop this behavior.

First conscious success: was trying to schedule a work meeting this week, and my coworker offered me a couple time slots that would work for her but not me. I offered a couple time slots of my own that, of course, in turn didn’t work for her. Normally I would now have tried to rearrange my other commitments to accommodate her but I didn’t!

Better yet, the next morning my hairdresser called to ask whether we could reschedule my appointment, because one of her clients had canceled her appointment. Agreeing to this request would have made both my coworker and my hairdresser happy (because I could have then taken one of my coworker’s time slots for a meeting).

I could have made it work if I had wanted to, but then I realized that it would actually inconvenience me. So, much as I like to make everyone happy, I kept my mouth shut and kept my day going smoothly :o)

Made a phone call to the bank the other day; they had deposited a check I had sent them but days later it still hadn’t shown up in my account. So here’s the story of How Procrastinatress Stood Up for Herself Big-Time.

The phone rep, let’s call her Cathy, told me they had made a mistake in connecting the check with my account. Then she said she “had a call in” to her “banking expert” and that it would take 48 hours to fix the problem. WTF??!! I told Cathy that I wasn’t satisfied with that and if she couldn’t fix the problem I needed to speak to someone who could.

She put me on the phone with her supervisor, “John,” who did the supervisor thing, telling me that “the system is updated every 24 hours and this is something we have to live with every day… so that’s why the update isn’t yet reflected in your account. blah blah” I interrupted him and said, look, John, this isn’t acceptable. You’ve had my money for several days and I need to access it. You’re telling me this isn’t possible… but I don’t believe you. All you need to do is call someone who can punch some numbers into a computer and hit “enter.” You have the check, you’re telling me you deposited it, so how does it take you 48 hours to update the numbers?

John proceeds to spout off about how “he’s never heard of a case where they’ve been able to completely bypass the system” and that he doesn’t think he’ll be able to fix this problem today.

So I said, listen John, you are the ones who made a mistake and I’m not willing to wait around for you to fix it. The only acceptable solution here is for you to get those funds into my account within two hours. Put your thinking cap on.

That got his attention! He was silent for a while, I even thought I had lost connection. Finally he says, okay, let me call my banking expert. (Meanwhile I’m wondering why he needs to call a banking expert if he’s working in a bank! Shouldn’t they all be banking experts?)

After a very short time Cathy comes back on the line and tells me they’re working on it and to just hold for another minute. Sure, thanks Cathy, I appreciate it.

A few minutes later Cathy is back on the line and says, “Ma’am, the funds are in your account. I apologize for the inconvenience.” And I replied, thank you, that’s what I was hoping to hear.

See… sometimes you just have to be pushy to get what you need. Hah!

Isn’t it strange how most people treat family so much worse than strangers. I finally learned this truth from a family member, who for many years has been doing everything she can to make me (as well as pretty much everyone else she’s related to) feel inferior. Of course she’s nothing but friendly and accomodating with strangers.

The good news is that after a few days of abuse during this last visit with her, I finally stood up for myself and left. I didn’t get nasty in return but I was firm—explained my reasons, then packed my stuff and left. Not sure what the future holds but I feel good for not taking the abuse any longer. I owe it to myself!

I think I’ve been doing great in this department! Last week I “got rid of” a customer I no longer needed or wanted to deal with. It was a matter of principle or, shall we say, irreconcilable differences. Hehe! I stayed true to what I believe in and I think that other than feeling good about myself I will actually gain money from this decision, in the long run, rather than losing (which is what she thought I would do if I dropped her).

Also, I no longer schedule appointments or dates purely based on what the other person wants (though I can still make some improvements in this area as I do tend to say “yes” too quickly, especially if I feel like I’m helping the other person).

On the whole I think more before I agree to things and I have started to stick with what I think is right for me/the situation even if it’s a difficult or unpleasant choice. I’m pleased with my progress :o)

Just said no to a job I really don’t enjoy doing… could have done it for the money but nope!

... on some volunteer activities that have turned from rewarding to stressful. I am going to focus on less tasks and do those well. I think this will help me to enjoy my volunteer work again, the way I used to when I first started.

And I got it! Go me :o)

Something important occurred to me today, and it has more to do with saying no than with standing up for myself, though I guess in the end it does mean the same thing. I need to learn to say no to things I WANT TO DO that aren’t good for me in the long run, not just to things that I DON’T WANT TO DO that aren’t good for me. Example—if a friend asks me to go to dinner with her or see a movie or whatever I accept almost every time, even if I have things to do that can’t really wait… it’s easy for me to just say, Oh what the heck, I can do that later. This is an attitude that I like, in a lot of ways, because I think that life should be enjoyed and many people take things too seriously… but, like everything else in life this can be taken too far and I think I have reached that point. So, one more thing on my self improvement list…

Learn to say No to enjoyable things when I would benefit more from doing something less enjoyable

Kicked some butt today! I’m not usually the pushy type (as is evident by the fact that I have this goal on my list) but sometimes even I have enough of being pushed around.

A while back I had to get my car repaired after someone ran into it while it was sitting in a parking lot. Sounds easy enough… however it took three times as long as the estimate said it would take… the other party’s insurance paid for the repair and the rental car, but not for the damage waiver (basically an insurance fee you pay in case the rental car gets damaged). It wasn’t much but over time the fees added up. Plus, I didn’t get to use my car which I much prefer over the rental I got!!!

To top all this the repair shop’s “customer service” left a lot to be desired… none of my calls were returned on time (in fact most calls were never returned at all), they couldn’t tell me what was going on with my car, I never got any updates unless I called in and even then it usually took several calls… and so on. Several weeks ago I told the manager I wasn’t satisfied with how they treated me as a customer. He apologized and told me they’d cover my damage waiver because it wasn’t my fault that the repair was taking so long.

Well, time went by and that promise was forgotten. I was charged the damage waiver for the entire time my car was in the shop. When I called the repair shop (which had changed managers in the meantime) I was told they “never” covered the damage waiver for customers and that the previous manager had never told me they would cover it for me. In other words, the new manager was calling me a liar!

To make a long story short, I put my foot down. I told the guy I didn’t care what they “usually” did and that since I had been told they would cover the waiver I now expected them to. I also took control of the situation by telling him I would be calling them back, rather than having them call back (since I knew from experience that they never call back anyway). It took me several phone calls and every time I asked him specifically what time I should be calling him back. Then I called him at exactly the time we had agreed on. I didn’t go with any of his nonsense and just repeated that I expected to receive a refund and that was that.

This morning the guy told me they’d refund me. Yeah!!! I will be sure to contact the Better Business Bureau as well as both my and the other party’s insurance companies to inform them of this shop’s business practices. Somebody oughta teach them to treat their customers with respect!!!

Shop 0 – Procrastinatress 1.

Edit: I just realized that I had already mentioned this same repair shop in my previous entry! I guess the new score is:

Shop 0 – Procrastinatress 2.

I decided to change this goal from “Learn to say no” to “Learn to stand up for myself.” It’s really the same thing just a bit broader, I think. You can’t say no to other people’s demands if you can’t stand up for yourself. You also can’t stand up for yourself if you can’t say no every now and then.

I earned two “points” today! One for canceling a previous appointment to spend “important family time.” I usually have a hard time canceling something I have already scheduled, even if the “new thing” is more important to me. The other point is for telling the manager of a business I’ve had to deal with how very dissatisfied I am with his company’s customer “service.” He offered me a refund which is nice, but the real reward for standing up for myself was that he acknowledged that his staff haven’t been doing their job. That was very satisfying to me.

To all you guys out there, when a dissatisfied (female) customer calls it’s very important to acknowledge their right to be unhappy with how they are treated. Just “fixing the problem” isn’t always enough. So there.