not OBSESS about what others think of me

Why do I do this to myself? I mean, I truly am obsessed about what other people think about me. I ripped FWB a new one last night b/c I was obsessing that he was being a total ASS to me.

And you know what else, he’s not my FWB if I hate him one minute and want to tear off his clothes the next, you know what I mean?

I am starting to think that I actually can’t exist or function without male attention. This upsets me. I was just watching a movie and having a couple of glasses of wine…relaxing. YET my mind was reeling in regards to why hasn’t FWB called or anyone else for that matter. I am always the one calling…reaching out for attention. I want to just be. I want to be able to be the person I am b/c I’m happy with the person that I am. People are not thinking of me 24/7…hello? PNP? Stop flattering yourself. OMG, I just want to be content and comfortable with no worries of what others think.

If I cannot get over HAVING to have a guy’s attention to feel good about myself or sexy or whatever (and FREAKING OUT when I don’t)...I don’t even know! That is such BULLSHIT! I really really really don’t even want to consider the idea of what people think of me!

AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHH!

I am obsessing about that guy (my FWB) and I feel like he’s avoiding me, which is absurd but is he?

I know I deleted his numbers but they are back in the phone again. Oops.

I’m obsessing about why I didn’t get hired for that job.

I deleted my guy “friend”’s phone numbers out of my phone. We’ve been FWBs for seven years but seriously, fuck him for making me feel so insecure and non-fun. The door is closed!

I am having such a GD horrible day!!! I feel like everyone hates me or something. It’s driving me fucking nuts! I hate that I do this (worry about what other people think of me). I spend so much time assuming what people think about me or whatever and it’s just stupid!

For example, I was talking (emailing) with a guy “friend” of mine and I asked him what his week looked like (not to do anything b/c I can’t but just asking) and he hasn’t emailed me back. SO I have been assuming all day that he thinks I’m desperate to do something with him this week or I’m stalking him or whatever.

I have to turn my brain off. Why do I do this?

I have this guy “friend” and we were talking the other day about all kinds of stuff and he was talking about how hot this girl was and I was wondering what he thought about me, like if he was describing me to someone else what would he say? We’ve been “friends” for seven years and it’s not really a big deal but the thought is nagging me.