keep a dream journal

I am fighting my way through a gnarled forest and I arrive at a house where I find all of these suffering creatures which I am able to free. They are trapped in the house by this awful beast.

Funny I had a dream last night that I cheated on my master cleanse and was pretty thrilled to wake up and realize that I was still in the game.

My dreams lately have all been about facing things that I fear. I realize that my biggest fear is success.

My boyfriend slept over on Friday night because he went to saturday meditation at a yoga studio next to my house at 4:30 am. I couldn’t get to sleep and when I did it seemed that I kept trying to do things and other stuff just kept happening. It is like I try to achieve goals but there seem to always be things that get in the way. I think that I may be the one standing in the way of my success because I get scared when good things start happening to me. I also felt something very negative and evil in the dream—possibly something that came out of me when I have done all of this detoxing in the past week.

I swear the past few weeks have been the most changing of my entire life. I feel like I am growing emotionally and intellectually. I have never cried so much in my whole life and I even cried in front of people which isn’t something that I was comfortable doing before.

My boyfriend went to meditation and it took me over an hour to get back to sleep - when I did sleep again it was only for about an hour until he got back and it was like a continuation of where I left off when I awoke when he was getting ready to go to the meditation. I think that I have finally broken the chain -- the pointless circle I have been wandering in for so long in so many areas of my life. I feel like I am an animal that has been tied with a leash to the same fucking fence and now I am free to wander. I feel like I am letting myself go—and beginning to do things that scared me before. I am putting myself out there and wonderful things are starting to happen even though it’s been painful at times.

I think I am starting to get a hang of things.

played in a few short hours last night, like clips from different films. I feel like I have more to offer the world than I am letting out—Now just have to figure out how to get the lock off of the cage.

I keep having dreams about being at my aunt and uncles house. They’ve always had the latest of the latest and they do in the dreams too. I am not sure if I am a kid or a grown up in the dreams. They scare me though. Aunt and uncle are nice people.

I have a car and I can tell that the gas gage is getting very low. I keep putting off filling it up. Perhaps it is a reflection of how I spend energy—I let my tank get too close to empty and neglect to fill it when it is so crucially low.

I am at a family gathering. My father is there but he is the only person I don’t want to see. He keeps trying to talk to me but I am just trying to have a good time. It becomes time to leave and he tries to hug me and I avoid it—what I’ve needed to say to him for 24 years comes out of my mouth. I begin to sob in my dream, not just crying but heaving sobs. I woke up bawling and it took me an hour to get back to sleep.

I am asleep and V is at my house and it feels so comforting to not sleep alone and have someone to snuggle up with. It ends up being one of the best night sleeps in a while even though I dreamt that he was there.