stop binge-eating

As much as I say every time “Right I’m going to get my life back on track” it NEVER seems to work. Ever. I ALWAYS end up in the kitchen stuffing my face. I’ve put on 5lbs since coming to back to Uni and although I suppose it doesn’t really matter and nobody will probably notice it aside from me i feel SO fat and SO heavy it is ridiculous.

ONE DAY. argh, I wonder why it is so hard?

Well, wonderfully it’s got worse. I don’t understand it at all, and I don’t feel like I’ll ever be okay again. I won’t give up but I can’t ever see me hitting the “I’ve done this” button unless of course I become one of those compulsive liars/people with nervous twitches that hit ‘I’ve done this’ buttons when they haven’t actually done anything let alone “this”.

I am making light of it but it’s honestly very very shit. So there. Kudos to all you people who’ve managed it. I envy you so much.

its been seven months since i decided i was going to try and stop binge eating and although it’s less regular (once a week instead of once every three days) im STILL doing it. not only that… i have now begun throwing up after it. there is no way i am giving up now though, this is war. of nuclear proportions.

bollocks. six days and perfect then found out i’d got into this fantastic uni and had lost half a stone then binged and probably put it all on again.
arrrrgh!!!
oh well. pick myself up and start again eh?

wow its great to read about people so like me. i always figured i was some sort of weird freak! i don’t eat much at all but when i do i DO. And the worst thing is the feeling of complete confusion i get after i’ve binged, like, why i didn’t stop even though my stomach was killing me, or why i even did it in the first place when i know full well the guilt that sets in immediately after. it’s such a strange thing. you feel like you’re being controlled by it, but i think the only way you can make a true breakthrough and really stop bingeing is by realising that its YOU who’s in control. nobody forces you to eat a whole box of ice cream, it’s your mouth and nothing goes into it if you don’t want it to. by the way im using the general “you” i’m not singling anyone out :) and as simple as it sounds i dont think ill ever feel like im in control of it.
xx