write more poetry

I love your eyes.
They are brown.
They remind me of two chocolate chips
in a fresh baked cookie

So innocent, and so adorable
like the eyes of a small child
or the glossy eyes on a stuffed teddy bear
in an infant’s crib

I love your hair
messy, dusty, fuzzy
it covers your eyes like a blanket
but between the strands, I still see them.

I love your hands.
The veins on your knuckles
so manly, but still so delicate
strong enough to be protective
to shatter somebody’s jaw
soft enough to caress my cheek
and catch me as I fall

I love your smile
it warms me,
I love it when you smile
and when you cry, I am destroyed

I love it when you talk to me
and when we spend time together,
I hate that I can’t cling to you and call you mine forever

As your heart is set on someone else

It probably isn’t hopeless
but it feels hopeless
it feels like it feels hopeless
it’s hopeless, no hope that I can see
hopeless
so hopeless..
There’s nothing, no one,
nothing
no hope, none, no hope at all,
no hope anywhere…
nothing. Just nothing. Hopeless.
There’s no hope.
Nope, no hope.
It’s just hopeless.

Wake up in the morning
try to get dressed
then take my meds so I won’t be depressed
I’m running late, I have a test
didn’t really study but I’ll do my best
I try not to let things get to me
like rainy days, people’s ways,
and my 3rd degree Felony
My mind and body and soul needs rest
I have my doubts, but still give my best

Friendship is great
when times get tough
friends get you through the difficult stuff
but my lonely heart
craves more than that
and being just friends is not enough

I see your face, your gentle hairs
Deep down I know I’m transfixed by your stare
but you are my friend, and nothing more
Romance is not what friends are for

I want to scream.
I want to pull my hair out
I want to punch a wall.

Don’t-

I want to bust a window
I want to jump in front of a car
I want to attack a random stranger

Don’t

I want to set a building aflame
I want to call in a “bomb threat”
I want to stab a police officer
and introduce his car to my baseball bat

Don’t

When you’re anger takes control of you
your life goes down the drain
the battle in your inner self
makes you go insane

There’s nothing you can do to cope
the pain never ever goes away
I hate every fucking thing
and I hate every single fucking day

I want to buy a gun…

DON’T

and go on a shooting spree…

DON’T

and I want to drive recklessly

DON’T

I want to show them what they’ve done to me
and I want them to care
but they DON’T

I just sit in my room
quietly cutting my wrists
and watching the days go by

I’ve been completely molested
I was naked and they laughed at me
and left me in the cold with no food
all I could do was try to survive
and then it all stops and they move on with their lives
and I’m left to cope with the terrible recollections
of how they treated me

I’ll take a knife
and end my life

...don’t.

I told him my secret,
and he was just quiet.

I told him the truth,
and I can’t deny it

Now he knows all I want to do is hold him.
...I really wish I never told him.

He’s so quiet.
So quiet.
Just quiet.

• M is for mad because I can’t turn back time

• I am the one responsible for committing the crime

• S is for sadness and painful regret

• T is for all the tears that I shed

• A is for the anger that I keep inside

• K is for kill, cuz I thought suicide

• E is for each time I thought I would break

All this because of one simple mistake.

hidden tears,
all inside,
they hurt so bad, these feelings I hide
Is it worth it?

to keep holding on, for that tiny chance,
that he’d actually get the message from my lingering glance?
It’s completely terrifying, and so my emotions stay in,
Despite all my desires, I can never tell him.

If I just let it go, I know I’d feel better,
but I’m just not convinced that we can’t be together.

After crying in the shower,
you stare at the walls for an entire hour,
loneliness is setting in
you wanna jump out of your skin.
your stomach’s getting awfully big
you did not plan on having a kid
no daddy anywhere in sight,
I guess you sleep alone at night

But no one offers sympathy
I say this without exaggeration
Hey, don’t you get all mad at me!
YOU put yourself in this situation

You sit inside a tiny cage
struggling to tame your fiery rage
you couldn’t afford the astronomical bail,
looks like your ass is stuck in jail
there’s constant arguments and fights
you won’t get a wink of sleep at night
You’ve pulverized your self-esteem
the horror makes you want to scream

so here’s a penny for good luck
But I’m not sorry you’re locked-up
you should just be glad you’ve got your health
guess what, you did this to yourself.

It’s getting cold, it’s getting dark,
when you scan the lot to find your car
You get confused. Where did you park?
Did you walk out too far?

It looks like someone stole your ride
Didn’t you lock the driver’s side?
Oh that’s right, you never do
Man, oh man, that sucks for you!

Do I feel bad? Of course I don’t.
I could bet that even the cops won’t.
You should’ve used your brain and thought!
This situation’s all your fault!

A prostitute gives you some pleasure
once or twice a week, whenever
Before she leaves, make sure she’s paid
A few months later, you’re sick with aids

You’re feverish, you cough up blood,
your skin’s completely black and blue
the ambulance is stuck in the mud
it looks as if you’re through

But you were foolish, yes you were,
It’s your own fault you lost your health
But no, I don’t feel bad for you.
you did this to yourself.

So why is it my heart’s so cold?
Why haven’t I got sympathy?
It’s cuz when I was in pain, truth be told
this is what they said to me.

he wears all black clothes
he’s got a pain inside that nobody knows
he wakes up in the morning, every day is the same
all the kids give him hell- and they think it’s a game
when this boy goes home, with a paper and pen,
he writes down their names, and plots to kill them
he knows where his father keeps all his guns
but to do what he wants, he would only need one
the carnage he calculates inside his head…
the frightening vision of seeing his classmates all dead…
the sick thought of revenge he knows makes him glad
so he places some bullets and the gun in his bag

But then, he says “No,” and tells himself again
“this is not what I want.”- what he wants, is a friend.