Acknowledge what, if anything, bugged me today, and let it go.

I ordered Chinese and they screwed up my order. I wanted chicken on white rice and they gave me pork fried rice. I don’t like fried rice… but by the time I found the mistake, I was already home. It’s about 32 degrees with snow on the ground outside, so I didn’t want to go back… I just had to stomach the fried rice.

I already wasn’t in a great mood, and this just made me so pissed off. I took it personally. Why me? Why my order? What did I do to deserve this? I work all week long and all I ask for is chicken on white rice on my Saturday night, and even that was too much to ask because they fucked it up.

The one thing I CAN’T STAND about people in this city is their perception of time and distance. They act like there is no other place on earth beyond their city, literally like there is nothing but oblivion outside of City Limits. Philadelphians act like their city isn’t surrounded by dozens upon dozens of small, tightly-knit communities that make up the Philadelphia Metropolitan Area. PHILLY HAS SUBURBS, MANY, and there are some great places in the Philadelphia “area.”

Despite this fact, City residents never leave the city. If a great show or unique restaurant exists outside of the city, it’s not worth visiting or even worth knowing. If it’s not in the city, it’s “too far.”

Philadelphians are so territorial and proud, and they are condescending to outsiders, not just tourists, but commuters too (people who come from the suburbs to work in the city’s business district). Philadelphians behave as if working in the city is an exclusive privilege, a prerogative, to be enjoyed solely by city RESIDENTS.

If you aren’t from Philly, even if you live only 30 minutes away, your coworkers who do live in the city will tell you they could “never” commute “so far.” They’ll ask, “Where is that? I’ve never heard of it. What time do you have to get up to get here?”
They act like you commute from Texas.

They’ll say “I commute from South Philly,” or “I just hop on the bus from Germantown (a section of Philly)”. A commute over 20 minutes is unfathomable to them!

My commute is 45 minutes to downtown. One person said, and I quote, “45 Minutes!? You might as well be out in Wisconsin!” It’s really not far at all.

But the reactions are totally unbelievable, and annoying. I’m going to stop telling my co-workers where I’m from. Almost all my co-workers are city residents.

If there were no commuters, there would be no commuter trains. And yet, Philadelphia and New York have extensive commuter rail lines. I think commuters should be treated with a little more respect. Not everybody can roll out of bed and land at work.

it’s like I’m intoxicated with negative emotions. Literally like being drunk, except I’m under the influence of my own anger. It alters one’s behavior, just like alcohol, and affects my outlook on people around me and the world. So it should come as no surprise that people drink to cope with their anger and depression. They’re fighting fire with fire, and I need a drink. Now.

who commented on some government workers recently charged with welfare fraud. She said that before she was a caseworker in the welfare department, she was a prosecutor for the district attorney’s office. She said that cases like that used disgust her, and are what would make her “push for felonies and maximum sentences.”

She hit a nerve with me. An extremely tender one. She continued, getting more vehement, saying “That’s the whole reason I went to law school,” to put people like that away and take them out of society because they deserve to rot in prison.

I asked her if she really thought that “pushing for felonies” really made any difference in the community, in crime rates, in any way at all. She insisted, with such conviction and adamacy, that it did make a difference, and longer sentences and tougher penalties make people learn their “lesson.”

I felt like I was speaking with the prosecutor who thought it was the “right” thing to do to press felony charges against me when I was seventeen. Maybe if she had even the slightest FUCKING CLUE what I had to ENDURE as a teen who made a bad choice in a bad situation . . . maybe, MAYBE she’d be taken aback and realize that not everyone who passes through the system is an evil fucking monster.

I was hurt by her words, and brought right back to the trauma I experienced at the hands of an excited, bloodthirsty prosecutor who just wanted to do the most damage to a kid, and could care less about common sense, logic, or what should really have been done.

Had this coworker seen the criminal justice system through my eyes, I’m sure she would think differently, and her self-image as being the Hero of the World for trying to put everybody and their mother and sister behind bars for as long as possible, isn’t always what is right, fair, just, practical, sensical, or productive to anything except making it harder for good people who eventually would like to do what they can to turn their lives around. It’s people like this woman who do all they can to keep others down, reveling sadistically with pleasure at the failures of others, using the crime committed as an excuse to completely dehumanize the individual in the Defendant’s chair.

Am I saying there aren’t people who need to be in prison? No. That’s not what I’m saying at all.

What I am saying is that lawyers like her absolutely disgust me. They abuse their power to destroy lives in the name of “justice,” whenever they can, however they can, going as far as they can go, to the limits of limits, all but surpassing the “fullest extent of the law.” And enjoy it.

Please forgive me for saying this, as I usually do not use such language; but she’s nothing but a stupid, tryfling, ignorant, heartless cunt with a law degree but no education or background in criminal justice theory. She knows nothing about the realities and long-term consequences of overzealous prosecution. She knows nothing. I could tell. And I felt insulted on so many levels just to hear her spew such hideous things from that hole in her face. She can go to hell where she belongs.

I’ve been going on Craigslist and looking at the “Free Stuff” section. Depending on where you live, it is UNBELIEVABLE what people throw away!

Someone was throwing out a 26” tube-style (not flat screen) television, right in my town! I saw the listing and hopped in my car right away. I live in a kind of upscale area. Upper-middle income people throw away some incredible things.

At the curb in front of a beautiful house with a big green lawn, sat the like-new TV just waiting for me. After putting it in my car, I found another online listing for a household about a mile from there that was throwing out other electronics. So I drove a few minutes down the road and got a free DVD player too!!!

So what about this day bugs me? My anxiety was acting up throughout the entire endeavor.

Driving to the house that had the DVD player, I was looking to turn right onto a small side street. This was while driving on a major, four-lane boulevard. The street came a lot sooner than I thought. I moved to the shoulder and, realizing the the turn was too sharp to make, I SLAMMED on the brakes. SCREEEECH! I came to a complete stop to avoid plowing over the stop sign for OPPOSING traffic. It came with two feet of my front bumper. On the blacktop behind my car, I left skid marks! Fortunately this side street was entirely empty, because my turn was so wide that I was on the wrong side of the road. I was SO EMBARASSED.

I’m a VERY SAFE DRIVER. I have NEVER had an accident, and that turn really made me feel horrible. Thankfully no cops were around. I could have gotten a ticket. It was an honest mistake. I really didn’t expect the street to come up that fast: I had to turn right coming from a 45mph roadway.

The other thing that bugged me was when I had to get this enormous TV out of my car and up to my apartment. It was EXTREMELY heavy, and I almost couldn’t get it in by myself. I nearly dropped it in the parking lot. I didn’t expect it to be so heavy, it really surprised me. I wish I had had some help, because I could have really strained or hurt myself. If I was not as strong as I am, I would not have been able to do it by myself.

When I got the TV in my apartment, it was so large that now I need to find a bigger piece for it to stand on, because my other TV stand nearly buckles under this new television’s weight. It must weigh over 70 pounds. And now I don’t know when or how I’ll go about solving that problem.

So a lot happened today. I got a huge television and DVD player at no cost. I also almost got into an accident, risked straining my back, and nearly dropped the TV in the parking lot. Any of those would have been a disaster. The stress of that sent my anxiety through the roof and I took a long nap at around 3pm to recouperate. Why was that so stressful? So many unexpected things happened. I don’t like unexpected things.

What did I really learn about myself today? I learned that I’m the type of person who loves free stuff and saving money. I’m also the type of person who likes to plan things well ahead of time. I do not like thinking on my feet and I do not like surprises.

I didn’t expect to get a TV today. I didn’t expect to get a DVD player today. The locations they were at I had to find on the road for the first time. I think it would have been a lot more fun if I had been able to go with a friend. Times like this make me wish I had a room mate, but in reality, he may not have been home.

I HAVE ANXIETY/DEPRESSION DISORDER. This is what anxiety-depression puts me through: even when great things like this happen, (free TV/DVD player) I feel awful about something! Very awful!

It really wasn’t easy to get that TV in here. But now that everything is done, I have some new stuff, I’m safe, the car’s safe, I’m going to just let all that go and enjoy my new prizes.

Why do I feel so bad about myself? I just keep thinking you almost crashed the car and you almost dropped the TV. Then what would you have done?

This goal really helps me let things go and control my anxiety.

who sat behind me on the train this morning with his disgusting, fucking nasty-ass, mucous-filled smoker’s cough. I need a vacation.

I will try to let this one go. Jesus Christ. I feel like I NEED A SHOWER.

which continues to bill me incorrectly and is asking for $14.00 they are not entitled to because they overcharged me. Eventually this will have to be settled. I called them AND wrote a letter explaining why the bill is wrong. They can’t even keep track of their own customer’s services.

WHY CAN’T THESE COMPANIES DO THEIR JOBS RIGHT??? How hard is it to bill a customer for the services they actually received??? OMG!

This one will be a bit more difficult to let go because I’m paranoid now that they’ll shut off my Internet, demanding a payment to which they are not entitled. IDIOTS!!! ARGGGGH!

IT IS SO ANNOYING!!!!!

I see now why adults take vacations. They need a break from this constant fighting with billing agencies that act like you owe them more than you actually should.

When I finally figure out how to live without prescription coverage, I get full prescription coverage! I just last week found over half a dozen assistance programs for individuals who lack insurance coverage. I applied and qualified for them all! (even though I could only use one program’s discount per transaction at the pharmacy). I got all these discount cards in the mail, and got 50% off my prescription!!! This comes months AFTER paying full price each time! And NEXT MONTH, I’ll have full prescription coverage from my employer! Oh well we live and learn!

Letting that one go now.

Today it was Mr. I-don’t-know-what-I-want-but-let-me-be-discreet-and-experiment-with-you-while-my-girlfriend-is-away.

What a lying, cheating scumbag. Why did I let myself stoop so low?! Why did I sacrafice my own dignity to let you use me like that? Because you’re attractive. I admit it. The shiny apple in the Garden of Eden. I admit it! I gave in, and now you hurt me. Again.

Goodbye. I wish your girlfriend could know what you really are. If she only knew what you and I had going on over the past two years. You are a lowlife selfish bastard with an incredible body and way with words.

I admit it!!!

Hopefully one day I’ll find someone who is attractive AND genuine. Until then . . .

Letting go now…

$400.00 for my allergy medication. I need it NOW, but I do not get prescription coverage until the end of August.

SOOOO. . . .

Guess who’s going to be putting 400 more dollars on his credit card??!

IT MAKES ME WANT TO CRY!!!!!!

I can afford it. It’s just the thought of all the other things I could do with that money. Why am I so fucking expensive? Some people have no medical expenses. I need new glasses, depression prescriptions, prescription allergy medication, heart burn medication… I’m 23 years old and I take four different pills every day. It really scares me. It also reminds me that I do have a few consistent health issues that always must be managed and not neglected.

I’m kind of financially stressed out. At the same time, I’m managing. I only wonder what other surprise expenses will arrive in the mailbox :-(

OK. Letting it go.