Make sure my children know how much I love them

I noticed this quote on 43T and wanted to share.

“If your children look up to you, you’ve made a success of life’s biggest job.”
- Persian saying

My son, Matthew, finally gave me is high school graduation announcements. I was getting a little nervous about if he in deed ordered them because I should have had them a couple weeks ago (Dreamer already has her son’s out!).

Matthew delayed ordering and picking them up, he said he really did not want to send any out. Why, I asked? He mentioned that he understood that sending out announcements would be asking for a graduation gift and he did not want that to happen. A little taken back, I assured him that it was not about getting gifts but a tradition to announce his graduation.

After our conversation, he decided to enclose a little note requesting no gifts. The announcements that are being sent to extended family and close friends, whom I know would disregard his request, a little note card will be enclosed expressing his wishes for any graduation gifts be made to Kiva.org, to the recipient that he has chosen.

How cool it that! I’m in awe. He always has been a giving person, concerned for others, their circumstances and needs. That’s Matthew, I should have not been surprised by his request. :)

Last night I texted by son, Zachary (16 y.o.) around 7:00 p.m. after not hearing from him for several hours. I knew he was at the pro golf tournament during the day with his two friends.

I text the following: Where is my youngest and what is he doing? love, his mother. I waited five minutes and texted it again. Zack always responds within a minute of my previous texts. He called me right back, a little frustrated with me. He shared that he was still at the tournament and having dinner at the “club”, which we are not members of, and that he didn’t like that fact that I was texting him over dinner. EXCUSE ME… We had a conversation that I think he realized he stepped over the line.

When he arrived home later on, we talked about his response to my text. The “jest” of the conversation came down to, his friends parents never text them wondering there they are and what their doing…. After our little chat, I believe Zack understood my reasons for texting him and that I do it out of love. Love and concern for him, my dear youngest.

Another way of having my kids feel and know that I love them.

I received a wonderful morning of smiles from Z. As he was getting out the car door this morning, he turned around and told me he loved me. Made my day! He can be such a hand-full one minute and then be my little Z. filled with affection and love. He knows, I know he knows, I love him.

Gosh, I wish sometimes we can have a “Do Over” or two in life. There is only a select few that I might want to “Do Over”.

DISCIPLINE ~ That is what I wish so much I could do over again. I really failed as a mother on this one. I’ve always had a difficult time following through on disciplining my kids in their younger years, I would say around the ages of 10 and 12 (my boys). My DH was/is the disciplinarian, pretty stern dad.

My 18 year old is a gem, through and through. My 16 year old, runs my life…he’s the one that would say when he’s mad at me “I don’t like you, I hate you, I want another family, your the worst mom”... Well, given my need to be loved, I listened to him and gave in to his rants. Huge mistake, I know that now. Both my sons are well behaved and well mannered and respected by their peers. It’s just Z. and his behavior at home.

I must be strong, firm, direct and follow-through in a loving way. I’m now realizing that kids really need the structure and boundaries. It’s time, now that I’m feeling depression free, stronger and more confident, I must be the parent. Z. in time, will appreciate and respect me for trying hard, in the last inning of parenting a teen.

I’m the parent, it’s time I be one at all times.

Kids feel secure and loved when structure and boundaries are in place.

Kids can be so sweet and funny.

Yesterday, my son was giving me a compliment that had me laughing!

He said, “Mom, I love your new hair color, it looks like November”, I said “November??” He then said “yes, November, you know, fall colors, like the color of the trees in November”. I started laughing and then replied “Matthew, that’s funny but I don’t think you want to tell a woman that her hair color is like fall leaves” he replied back “Okay, it’s the color of straw”.

This is from an 18 year old…I just smiled and said, I love you and thank you.

I think I have a ways to go teaching him about women and their hair. LOL

While taking M. and Z, (separately) to school each morning, I say a little saying to each of them as I’m pulling into their school.

“Have fun, learn more, make me proud, make and be kind to friends and do well” Of course, as they are getting out of the car, I say “I love you”.

My boys, 16 and 18(senior in high school) really seem to depend on my saying this. The other morning, I forgot and realized right after I dropped Z. off. I hurried and texted him the saying. When I picked him up from school that afternoon, he said right away, “Thanks for your text”. That was an Awww moment.

Noticed this on the side quote area of 43things and thought it is perfect for our goal here! Just wanted to share it with you!

“Your children need your presence more than your presents.”
- Rev. Jesse Jackson

Today, I did something that I get mad at the boys for doing…I text them and they replied. This was during school hours.

I text both M. and Z. around 10:30 a.m. The text was:

I’m thinking about you! Love you lots, Mom :)

They both text me right back, within 30 secs., or so. I started to get a little upset with them for texting me from class. But, then again, I was “texting” them while they were IN class!

Alright, all is forgiven.

Today was our “Family Chore Day”. We have these days about every other month on a Sunday afternoon. This one was a special one. Because of our separation, we haven’t had one since November. My husband came over to join us. We made a list of the things we wanted done outside. Grass cut, lawn trimmed, bushes trimmed, weeds pulled, pool cleaned, front flowers planted…

My son M. (senior in high school) and I planted the flowers (actually I did the planting, he did the talking). We had a wonderful conversation about his future and how he’s not sure about wanting to go to college in the fall.

I understand his thinking in a strange way…he has been very successful in his business endeavors – (won several young entrepreneur awards, president of his own start-up company – been written up in several business newspapers about his success at a young age and already financially successful) He wants to move on “full speed” to grow his company and expand in other interests. I can understand his desire to “move full force” but I also know how important a college education is. I did not graduate from college. My number 1 regret so far in life.

Listening to him talk as I planted, I knew he just needed me to listen. As he was talking about the “pros and cons” for him to go college in the fall, he asked me what I thought?

I told him that I was very proud of him and all that he has accomplished at such a young age. I respected his “pros and cons” list and his desire to “move full force” into the business arena. I then shared, I wanted him to be happy with his decisions in his life. I can’t make them, he needed to and I trusted him in making the right ones.

I did, however, slip in that I thought he would enjoy living on campus, being surrounded by so many young minds as his, interested in areas (life, studies, social, political, spiritual…) that he has yet to really explore outside the business world. I again, went back to listening to him…after our (my) last flower was planted – I looked into his big beautiful brown eyes and said to him “I love you, M.” He smiled and said to me “You only love me because I’m planting flowers with you.” I responded “No, M, I’m the one planting, your the one talking” he looked at me, smiled and said “Your right, and yes, you do love me, you always love me”.

I always have and always will…