Ass goal: Dream

My daughter was about 14. We moved into an apartment and her sister and I decorated her room while she was away at camp with glow in the dark planets and stars.

Last night she was one of the astronomers on duty monitoring mars when Curiosity successfully landed. Today she posted on FB: “I love my job.”

I’d say her dreams came true.

My dreams were filled with a tiredness that went far beyond physical fatigue. In the last one (the one I remember most clearly), for instance,I was walking on an old, familiar street but I was far from home and separated from everyone in my life. My feet hurt and when I looked down, my shoes were gone and I had to proceed without them. (in my waking life I wear orthothics and never go without shoes due to a bone spur). I stopped at a store but discovered I had lost my bank card and my cash was limited. So I kept walking.

Earlier dreams featured other familiar places with the people in my life visible but out of reach. I woke up to face another very busy day.

Two women I know from work and I were in “our” kitchen. They each had a can of bug spray and were furiously spraying both the air and the surfaces so that everything was just dripping with the poison. I was yelling, “stop! Stop! We need to eat off those plates!” But they said the bug was too big and they had to get rid of it.

I know what this dream means.

In this one I had literal plates, filled to overflowing, that I had to keep spinning. I don’t need help figuring this one out! Argh.

In a dream last night I was the same age as now, but pregnant. I was astounded and upset and got an abortion – only to find myself still pregnant! I felt trapped. Like there was no way out. Like I was being judged. Like I had failed to learn a lesson. I woke confused. At lunch a co-worker saw it clearly as my subconscious translating my work stress into this dream. I think she nailed it.

I haven’t been remembering my dreams well so the fact that I remembered this from last night is telling. My feet have been hurting and I’ve been sleeping in a brace, which helps some but disturbs my sleep so last night I decided to skip the brace and sleep well. Ha! I dreamed my feet hurt so bad I got a DOUBLE FOOT TRANSPLANT! In the dream it was more like putting on shoes, I could use the new feet right away. My mother made a rare appearance in this dream, standing by my bedside, looking at my new (kinda ugly) feet and saying, “Why did you do that? That was stupid! You’ll have no end of trouble with those feet!” That is exactly the kind of thing she would say, all the while thinking and meaning, “Oh, I hope you’ll be all right. I hope this works. What can I do?”

I woke up and – no surprise – my feet were hurting.

I wake with a real sense that I need to remember them, and I just can’t.

I have been having a very nice holiday with lots of love and almost all my favorite people around so why last night did I dream that my ex-husband – not my SO – built my studio and then, very mean-spiritedly, took it over, using it for storage for his business? I was so angry! I felt so thwarted and helpless. He’s been gone 20+ years and this pops up in the middle of a wonderful holiday!

Maybe I’m just leery of things going well.

For some reason I had to scale a very tall building. Going up was no problem but once there I had to leap to the adjoining building, which was very scary. I had to reach over with my foot and pull out a drawer-like thing, which had a bunch of clips and pins in it. I felt like it was cheap plastic but it was the only toehold I could get so I kicked it out and stepped into the hole created. Then it was a matter of climbing down, which was easy except that I was so scared.

I think the office stuff was in there because I just got my office back at work. I’d had to share it for a few months. So I’ve been cleaning up a bit and you know how those clips and pins seem to get everywhere. The rest of the dream – no idea.

Many of my exes have made recent appearances in my dreams. Hmm … what does it all mean?