move on

For every mistake we must surely be learning, still my guitar gently weeps..

What I learnt about myself

Negatives:
1. I’m insecured and worry too much.
2. I like to keep bad feelings to myself.
3. I don’t stand up for myself when I’m being mistreated.
4. I get silent when I’m angry.
5. I’m needy and clingy.
6. I’m sensitive and emotional.
7. I care too muh and give too much.
8. I’m not as independent as I thought I was.
9. I get jelous sometimes.
10. I tend to lose myself in a relationship.

Positives:
1. I’m very sweet and romantic.
2. I’m sensitive to the needs of others.
3. I’m caring and considerate.
4. I accept my partner for who he is and I never judge him.
5. I always stand by my partner and be supportive.
6. I am able to be with someone through thick and thin.
7. I have the capacity to love so completely that it overshadows everything else.
8. I can have a serious relationship.
9. I’m not afraid of sex anymore. I’m actually quite good at it.
10. I am stronger than I thought I was.
11. I’m honest and loyal.
12. I am able to appreciate my partner.
13. I’m the one who will always stay in love with my lover like it is the first time.
14. I get alone well with my partner’s family and mates.
15. I’m smart and eager to learn/try everything.
16. I’m a beautiful girl with great personality
17. I am willing to change my weaknesses to make the relationship work.
18. I know how to compromise.
19. I’m good at listening.
20. I’m the best girlfriend one can ever get.

What I learnt from the relationships

1. If you’re someone’s second choice, don’t bother.
2. Honesty is the only way to relate that’s worth bothering with.
3. Love is not just through the good times but the true test of love is when the going gets tough.
4. Always put myself first. Don’t try to please anyone.
5. Don’t go out with selfish/self-centered people.
6. Don’t spend too much time together. Have a life of my own.
7. Don’t give up the chances to meet new people.
8. Don’t neglect my friends.
9. Take it slow. Don’t rush into sex too fast.
10. Be my own boss. Learn to speak out my opinions and stand up for myself.
11. Communication is priceless.
12. Tell him what’s on my mind. Let him know if what he does bothers me.
13. Not to give too much as people tend to take advantage of you and take you for granted. Don’t be too nice.
14. Don’t be fooled by false promises.Don’t believe it until it’s proven.
15. Don’t tolerate lies and dishonesty.
16. Nothing lasts “forever”. People change. But if you’re willing to put a lot of effort to make it work, it will last.
17. Don’t show your fears or insecurities; men see that as a weakness.
18. Not settling for less than what I know I deserve.
19. Don’t make someone your everything.
20. No one can make me happy. Happiness comes from within.
21. I am the one I can truly rely on.
22. Be with someone who appreaciates what I do for him.
23. Leave him if he can’t accept me for who I truly am.
24. Never ever beg if he decides to give up. Let him go and do it with a pride.
25. Only make big compromise when there’s a ring on my finger.
26. Relationships take lots of work from every­one, and some­times they just aren’t sustainable.
27. Despite what the Beatles say, Love is NOT all you need.
28. Don’t date someone who doesn’t respect my culture.
29. I realized I was worth way more than I was given credit for. Now I know any man will be lucky to have me.
30. No matter how good looking, smart, funny, sexy, financially stable, nice, wonderful or perfect someone seems to be for me, one of the biggest factors is that THEY REALLY LIKE/LOVE me too. If they could let me go that easy, than they didn’t share my feelings and that issue alone makes them NOT the perfect one for me.

Why do some people get over their ex-girlfriend/boyfriend so fast? How do they appear to shut off emotion like it’s a switch? One day they are in love then the next day it’s dead to them. I guess I’m one of those sensitive ones that is upset for a long time.

It doesn’t seem fair =(

So I went to this hair salon near my home to have my hair cut today. It reminded me of my ex when I was there. I introduced this place to him and he loved it because of the name of the salon. It’s called SOA, which means sexual transmitted disease in Dutch. He always made fun of it. I remember he told me he wanted to wear their uniform – a t-shirt with the name of the salon on it. I was planing to ask the staff to sell me one and give it to him on his birthday. But I never had the chance. We broke up right before his birthday. It made me feel kinda sad when I was there. I felt even worse when I saw inches of my hair falling to the ground. It’s as if I was cutting off the five-months memory I had with him. Funny that he still means so much to me. But yeah just like cutting hairs, sometimes you just have to make the decision to change. Some people are not meant to be in your life. You have to let them go to have a new start.

I’m feeling refreshed now.

- Guitar class
- Drawing course
- German study
- Swimming
- Meditation
- Getting a master degree(?)

The break-up still hurts but bit by bit by bit I’m moving on. The loss of hope and plans are replaced by the new ones. I feel so free. The world is open for me. There are so many possibilities.

when you are still deeply in love with him? Being ignored is painful. Being hated is horrible. Sadness, pain, suffering, agony. It’s so hard to pick up the broken pieces. But time will heal all wounds, even the ones that can’t be seen. I do not wish to be alone. Against my will, I have to take a different path, with many obstacles where happiness will follow in some form, in hopes that just maybe, our paths may cross again one day..

I need to change my focus. I have to have faith, everything will all work out.

“We are all going to fall in life, what is important is that we learn to recognize at what point the centre shifted, and to do it with awareness.”—Namaste