take my husband's last name, officially, passport and all

After a hell of a lot of mailing back and forth, I have finally received the marriage certificate with apostille. Why didn’t I get one right then and there??? Another 100 EUR down the drain…

After writing two unanswered emails to the officer who married us, I’ve gotten a reply from our wedding planner/witness/photographer Robert. He will get the cert pls apostille from the Dpt of Justice on Aruba. Ca-ching!

After receiving a 3rd version without errors, but half eaten by some dog on the way to my letter box, I have contacted the German consulate. Only to be told that the cert I have is not enough. It might be acceptable in Holland because Aruba is part of the Kingdom of the Netherlands, but to be recognized in German offices, I need a fucking apostille, excuse my French.

So: Second verse, same as the first.

Every “ca-tching” indicates money being paid:

I contacted the officer who married us on Aruba to tell me how I can get my hands on a version with apostille (ca-tching).
Once I have that in hands, I need to get that translated again (ca-tching).
Then I need the Amsterdam register to state that we live in Amsterdam (ca-tching), plus a birth certificate of mine (my German passport containing the identical information is not enough!), plus passport photos (ca-tching), plus my husband in person, plus an international birth cert (ca-tching) for our 2nd child so we can all, FINALLY change mine and her last name from my birth name to my husband’s name (ca-tching, ca-tching).

Someone remind me why I am doing this???

...and got it today, FULL of mistakes and no kidding. How does one who translates certificates etc. every day manage to hand over a “certified with apostille” document translation that contains 13 errors? Spelling errors that make one suck in air through one’s teeth, (I mean, “Familiennahme”??), misspelling the German word for officer, omitted translation of words, following the German dating convention (dd.mm.yyyy) 4 times but then writing one date with dashes and one MMM dd yyyy? Leaving out part of a code?
OK, I gave the order to the lowest bidder, but it would have made much more sense to send them my own translation and let them simply certify it. All I need is their bloody stamp on a correct German representation of my Dutch document. How hard can it be?
Herr, schmeiss Hirn vom Himmel!!!

• birth cert from Germany – check
• translation of marriage cert – need to order
• proof of residence from the city of Amsterdam – outstanding
• appointment at the German consulate – outstanding