lose 100 pounds

I’m not sure how much I weigh right now, been so busy with working at Domino’s Pizza and school that I haven’t weighed myself in awhile. But I went pants shopping yesterday and every pair I tried on were 14s, and they all fit! :) I’ve been in 16/18s for sooo long, I couldn’t believe it, I was so happy. :) Just wanted to share the joy. Will weigh-in/update soon. Hope everyone’s doing good.

S.W. 256.7
C.W. 217.2
Loss/gain: -3.2 lbs

GW1: 250—reached
GW2: 245-reached
GW3: 240-reached 8/13/2008
GW4: 235-reached 9/2008
GW5: 230-reached 11/10/2008
GW6: 225- reached on 12/07/2008
GW7: 220 –reached on 2/05/2009 3/16/2009

GW8: 215 – reached on 2/11/2009

GW9: 210
GW10: 205
GW11: 200
GW12: 195

- 100 lbs GW: 156.7
UGW: 140-145 (-111 to -116 lbs)
Total weight loss: 39.5 lbs

S.W. 256.7
C.W. 220.4
Loss/gain: -4.3 lbs

GW1: 250—reached
GW2: 245-reached
GW3: 240-reached 8/13/2008
GW4: 235-reached 9/2008
GW5: 230-reached 11/10/2008
GW6: 225- reached on 12/07/2008
GW7: 220 –reached on 2/05/2009 3/16/2009

GW8: 215 – reached on 2/11/2009

GW9: 210
GW10: 205
GW11: 200
GW12: 195

- 100 lbs GW: 156.7
UGW: 140-145 (-111 to -116 lbs)
Total weight loss: 36.3 lbs
Left to loose: 63.7

Starting bmi: 42.7
Current bmi: 36.7

S.W. 256.7
C.W. 224.7
Loss/gain: +9.1 lbs

GW1: 250—reached
GW2: 245-reached
GW3: 240-reached 8/13/2008
GW4: 235-reached 9/2008
GW5: 230-reached 11/10/2008
GW6: 225- reached on 12/07/2008
GW7: 220 –reached on 2/05/2009

GW8: 215 – reached on 2/11/2009!!!

GW9: 210
GW10: 205
GW11: 200
GW12: 195

GW13: 190
GW14: 185
GW15: 180
GW16: 175
GW17: 170
GW18: 165
GW19: 160
GW20: 155
GW21: 150
GW22: 145
GW23: 140
- 100 lbs GW: 156.7
UGW: 140-145 (-111 to -116 lbs)
Total weight loss: 32 lbs

We all love to share when we’ve lost more weight. We like to present our success to the world. But when we fail we tend to just “disappear” for awhile; keep it under wraps. Or at least I do. But I shouldn’t. Sharing failure gives me a sense of accountability. By doing this I’m admitting that I’ve slacked, and putting the fact that I need to get back on track out there for whomever happens to read this to see. In a sense it motivates me. I want to be able to say “I’ve lost _lbs” next time I post. That would be so much better then this:
I’ve gained about 9 lbs in the last month. It was a combo thing, mainly these though: being on medication for awhile that made it so I had to eat very frequently, which got me into a bad habit once I was off it. Depression, stress, and getting just plain lazy about watching what I eat. So now I need to do what I’ve had to do so many times before; pick myself up, dust myself off, get back on track and press on. Keep my eye on the greater goal, celebrate every success along the way, and don’t beat myself up to much about getting off track, just acknowledge when I’ve done that and correct it. 32 lbs is still something, and I’m still proud of myself. I have a long way to go but at the same time I’ve got through the first 32%. I can do that twice more (plus a little bit extra). I just need to get back on track; seems to be a theme for my life right now. It’s funny, I’ve just recently fallen off pretty much every “personal goals” wagon I’ve been on, and am now trying to get back on all of them. Whether it’s music, money, weight, grades, or several other things, I have either not met my goals, or gone backwards as far as progress is concerned. I just had my 19th birthday on Monday. 18 was a bad year for me, I wanted to turn it around with this one anyway. So it’s a really good time to do just that.

S.W. 256.7
C.W. 215.6
Loss/gain: -6.0 lbs

GW1: 250—reached
GW2: 245-reached
GW3: 240-reached 8/13/2008
GW4: 235-reached 9/2008

21.7% of the way to -100 lbs GW
19% of the way to UGW
8.6% of total body weight lost

GW5: 230-reached 11/10/2008
GW6: 225- reached on 12/07/2008
GW7: 220 – reached on 2/05/2009
GW8: 215 – reached on 2/11/2009!!!

41.7% of -100 lbs GW
36% of UGW
16.01% of total body weight lost

GW9: 210
halfway point = 206.7
GW10: 205
GW11: 200
GW12: 195

61.7% of -100 lbs GW
53% of UGW
24.04% of total body weight lost

- 100 lbs GW: 156.7
UGW: 140-145
Total weight loss: 41.1 lb

I feel really good. I’m looking better all the time and the best thing is the random people that walk up to me and say stuff like “hey, you’re taking off some weight aren’t you! you look great! keep it up!!” It’s really encouraging. Plus I just feel healthier, and smaller, and all that good stuff. My best male friend can pick me up easily now, I’m not used to being lifted like that at all anymore. It’s just cool little things like that. I’m sooo glad to finally be over that plateau.

S.W. 256.7
C.W. 221.6
Loss/gain: -1.2 lbs
GW1: 250—reached
GW2: 245-reached
GW3: 240-reached 8/13/2008
GW4: 235-reached 9/2008
GW5: 230-reached 11/10/2008
GW6: 225- reached on 12/07/2008

GW7: 220
GW8: 215
GW9: 210
GW10: 205
GW11: 200

- 100 lbs GW: 156.7
UGW: 140-145
Total weight loss: 35.1 lb

i can’t believe how long its taking me to loose the 5 lbs between 225 and 220. But I hope that I’m just about over that plateau.

S.W. 256.7
C.W. 222.8
Loss/gain: -1.0 lbs
GW1: 250—reached
GW2: 245-reached
GW3: 240-reached 8/13/2008
GW4: 235-reached 9/2008
GW5: 230-reached 11/10/2008
GW6: 225- reached on 12/07/2008

GW7: 220
GW8: 215
GW9: 210
GW10: 205
GW11: 200

- 100 lbs GW: 156.7
UGW: 140-145
Total weight loss: 33.9 lb

I’m gonna post more frequently until I feel I’m truly back on track. Also because I’m home alone right now and I have personal demons, eating disorders, that show up when I’m alone like this. I think posting more often will help keep them at bay. I’m doing pretty well, there’s no reason to go back to those things, I’ll just screw up all the progress I’ve made. Anorexia and Bulimia are not the answer. Honestly, I’ve been fighting really hard with myself on the bulimia front lately. Which is not the one I ever thought I’d have a big problem with, yet here I am, telling the world that it is. It’s true, you never recover from either of these. They’re like “the game”, those of you who know what I’m talking about just lost. ha. You never really “win” you just loose less. I’ve been anorexic since I was 12 and bulimic since I was 14.

I have fought it though. That’s how I got so heavy in the end. I’ve been overweight most of my life. When I was about 11/12 and lost about… 25-30 lbs the right way and then 30 more the wrong way. Not eating and exercising myself to death. This screwed up my metabolism. Then, when I was about 13 I started telling myself I couldn’t continue to starve myself or I was going to eventually die from it. I don’t remember exactly when Bulimia came into play, but I was about 14. I think the why is I was fed up. I didn’t want to starve myself because I liked to taste of food but I was disgusted with myself for liking it. Food was evil back then. It was the enemy. I was obsessed with caloric intake and keeping it to an absolute minimum, and exercise. There came a time where if I exceeded 400 calories that day, I had done very poorly and needed to do an even more vigorous workout to make up for it. Bulimia was the seemingly obvious answer. I could eat whatever I wanted as long I threw it up after. That lasted about a week because my mom was catching on, I couldn’t have that. I honestly believed that bulimia was to hard to hide, and thought I would never find myself facing it again. I fought with anorexia, back and forth, back and forth, from about 12-16. Actually it was more like fighting, and submitting to it, fighting and submitting to it.

Then, about halfway through 16, there was a break. I wasn’t happy with my weight but I knew didn’t need to starve myself I wanted to do it right, I wanted to say goodbye to Ana and live again, live without being tied to a scale and calories. That was the year I gained a lot of the weight back, because my metabolism was so out of whack. That brings us up to 2007, when I found this goal on 43things. I was on again off again with weight loss up until about last July, but both of my ED’s were pretty much asleep. I’ve been doing good. Fairly steady for about 6 months now. It’s still hard for me. I have to monitor myself, make sure I’m dieting the right way, really just making healthy lifestyle changes. (Like switching from coffee to tea and instant breakfast to oatmeal, two things I just started, I already feel better then I did.) Not falling back into the anorexic way.

So I don’t get why, after all this progress, I found myself a few short days ago, earlier on this week, in a public restroom puking my guts out on purpose. I had eaten a bit too much and felt quite full. But even during that meal I hadn’t pictured myself going and doing that. It continued until yesterday. Thursday was the last time I made myself throw up and it’s hard to not do it now, just like its hard to not start starving myself again. For some reason my old things are trying to come back at me. The unhealthy obsessions and methods, if I manage to continue to loose weight and fight this off successfully it’ll be a miracle. That said if you believe in God and the power of prayer I’m asking for your prayers right now. I need that strength that God provides. I know I have to hold on to this bit of inner strength and just keep taking it one day at a time until I’m back on track.

There, that’s my rather long story, but I felt like I needed to tell it. Even though that is hard to do.

S.W. 256.7
C.W. 223.8
Loss/gain: +1.0 lbs
GW1: 250—reached
GW2: 245-reached
GW3: 240-reached 8/13/2008
GW4: 235-reached 9/2008
GW5: 230-reached 11/10/2008
GW6: 225- reached on 12/07/2008

GW7: 220
GW8: 215
GW9: 210
GW10: 205
GW11: 200

- 100 lbs GW: 156.7
UGW: 140-145
Total weight loss: 32.9 lb

Could’ve done a lot worse, really glad I didn’t.

I’m scared to find out but in the morning it’s time to face the music. I don’t think it’s by much, ok I know it’s not, but I also know I gained on this vacation. There’s no way I didn’t, just not possible. I wont weigh in tonight, but in the morning duh duh duhhh! it’s time to find out how much ground I lost so I know what needs recovering.

S.W. 256.7
C.W. 222.8
Loss/gain: -2.8 lbs
GW1: 250—reached
GW2: 245-reached
GW3: 240-reached 8/13/2008
GW4: 235-reached 9/2008
GW5: 230-reached 11/10/2008
GW6: 225- reached on 12/07/2008

GW7: 220
GW8: 215
GW9: 210
GW10: 205
GW11: 200

- 100 lbs GW: 156.7
UGW: 140-145
Total weight loss: 33.9 lb

yay!! good deal!!