work all 12 steps

So, of course, when I follow the firections in literature, it works. I’m praying for those I have to apologise to, and day by day my bitterness at them is melting away. Perhaps I’m not quite ready to make amends, but I have faith that I will be ready by the time I leave this city.

So I read the literature for step 8 and it’s right there in print: if you don’t really want to mkae amends, try praying for the person. So I’m going to be doing that and working of the questionis in my book every day.

I took quite a long hiatus between steps 8 and 9, and now I’m finding that I’ve lost all motivation to do step 9. I really just want to move on.

Fortunately I came into program fairly young, so I don’t even have to do that many apologies. But the mian one I have to do is to my best friend, who I was a jerk to for our childhood. I guess part of it is that I still resent her- she seems to have such a disgustingly perfect life and she’s so confidant. Perhaps it’s the fact that I don’t think my apology will mean much to her- she’s not one to hold grudges or be cowtowed by other people.

But then I have to let go of the results. I’m not doing this for her- I’m doing it so that I don’t have to go back into addiction. It doesn’t matter if my apology means anything to her. It’ll mean something to me.

I don’t know. It’s jsut something I have to work on.