Say I love you to my family members

it seems as though this is just not going to happen. my family and i are not “like that” at all.. i tried.. one time before i bid my farewell goodbye on my home from palm springs, i blurted it out, and it’s like it fell on deaf ears..

why do i want this to happen so badly? maybe because i thought that was the only way they’d know i loved them. but maybe that’s not the way my family needs love.

i know actions speak louder than words.. but sometimes i wish i can just break that barrier of being affectionate and whatnot with my own nuclear family.. we all deeply care for eachother.. but saying i love you.. it’s awkward.. weirdness.