meditate

is that I’ve been very focused on deep breathing. So when I recently became very upset, I was able to tap into calming deep breathing right there on the spot, and take away the panicky part of the upset successfully, willing myself to be okay with and breathe through the feelings.

I don’t think I could have done it as well if I hadn’t been working towards this goal.

I’ve been motivated for frequent meditation practice just to keep myself sane lately. It is a good way to calm down all the anxiety floating in my mind.

Some days I’ve been more successful than others, but it is worth it all for the few moments of success, when my head stops talking, my breathing is deep, and I feel a sensation almost like floating while simultaneously being grounded.

The last few days, as I’ve tried to meditate, I haven’t been able to keep the silliest of distracting thoughts from breaking my concentration on my breathing.

Instead of feeling bad about it, though, I am pursuing a new policy: since the thoughts are so silly, I’m treating them as such. I smile at them and dismiss them, trying to move on.

I just realized last night, as I tried to meditate:
Even when I do badly; that is, I can’t clear my mind and the verbal chatter continues, I am still reaping benefits from the deep breathing I am doing.

I had been focusing on the dissapointment of not being able to clear my mind, but I realized that was counter-productive. Even just the relaxation of deep breathing I do during meditation has good benefits. I don’t have to be completely successful, I just have to engage in the practice.

I actually think I may be making some progress. I focused on my breathing for 15 minutes yesterday, and had to pull myself back from my brain chatter less than any other time I had done before. It still needs a lot of work, but I’m on the road…

Or meditating, as the case may be.

Last night, I helped myself banish the brain chatter by telling myself “here” when I breathed in, and “now” when I breathed out. I don’t know if this is standard practice, or if it’s actually “cheating”, since I am consciously thinking those two words, but it did reduce my stray thoughts somewhat.

I should go to the library and find a few books on mediation. I’m not sure what is actually meditating and what is just guided relaxation (I think what I did last night may fall in the latter), but studies have shown that ‘real’ meditation is better than guided relaxation for health and emotional benefits.

Another idea: I can check out itunes for some podcasts on it- using my itunes gift card is one of my 1001 things to do in 101 days already!

I sat for 15 minutes. At first I got frustrated from my constant brain chatter, but I realized that frustration would get me nowhere. So I tried just to accept it, which worked a little better. I kept pulling myself back to awareness of my breath, and finally there were a few seconds here and there where I felt a little less “thinky”.

What I need to do, I know, is stop looking at it as a pass or fail situation, and start looking at it as a journey. Just because I can’t clear my mind yet doesn’t mean that I’ve failed, it just means that I am taking the first steps of the journey, and will have to keep going until I get there. I only have to discipline myself to keep taking steps, one at a time.

Because I’ve been sleeping so poorly at night, when I tried to meditate yesterday, I fell asleep.

I read a research article lately that claimed mediation is better for health than any other form of guided relaxation. So given my high stress levels, and my overall shaky emotional health, I decided to give it my best shot: I am going to devote 5-10 minutes daily for meditation.

The problem is, I suck at it. I can’t seem to get my mind to shut up for a single moment. I try to concentrate on my deep breathing, but my mind will go everywhere and anywhere, running in circles, stubbornly refusing to be quieted. I am almost embarrassed by how bad I am at this.

I would appreciate any guidance from someone who has experience and can give me some pointers. Anyone?