publish

I’ve had three interviews published online.

pecannoot

Thursday Sweet Treat

Bliss Chick

And two of my paintings were published in an actual real life, national, hard copy magazine. Artful Blogger Summer 2009.

Look at that. I’m published.

But there’s more to do, so I must keep this goal up here.

on my blog.

This is not my book, or my other book or the other book. or an article.

Or anything that i am being paid for, but I really do think that I am heading in a direction that could get me published, could get me money from the things I love to do.

So if you are feeling abandoned or worried because I have not been around, please don’t, I’ve just been focusing on blogging and sometimes, I get a little overwhelmed and a little confronted and don’t seem to be able to get myself back here. also a little disorganized and I just forget.

Writer Mama: How to Raise a Writing Career Alongside Your Kids
by Christina Katz, but I had some technical difficulties.

I think it’s generally about non fiction writing, or publishing, but I know that the more I have published, the more people will take me seriously as a writer. It may be time for me to stop my inquiry into how to write well, and start my inquiry into how to publish. I do need to write my novel, but I need also to learn about the industry and how to get in.

There’s also a book, Chapter after Chapter by Heather Sellers that is about finishing a novel.

I feel like this goal is delayed. It’s here because it used to be “write and publish” my novel. Novel written, at least the first draft is. The revision stage is taking much longer than the writing stage. I am unable to focus to my hearts content. But I wonder… are there steps I can take right now to prepare the book to be published? I think it would be along the lines of collecting intelligence on how to publish. Read books. Ask around for people who know people in publishing. Research the publishers of the books that I like that are along the same lines as my book. Maybe I should also try to get some other things published, because I know that publishers take you more seriously if you have atleast SOME publishing history. It shows you are serious, shows you are professional. Do the few art reviews I wrote for my neighborhood paper count? I mean, it is my hip and happening NYC neighborhood. Fancy shmancy, right? Not just published in a buddy’s basement… although I think I’ve been published like that, too.

I suppose this goal is on here so that I can keep my eyes on the prize.

First draft written. Edit my novel has its own goal. This one is now, simply publish.

Which means I am counting “Write” as done. Cool

I’m recognizing a pattern with me. I write write write like a crazy woman, and then I stop and anguish because I can’t move on. Depression or funk or writer’s block, or what have you.

But if I take the time to really think about the story, instead of moping about how I can’t write, I generally am able to find something in the story line that has taken a bad detour. I often need to stop and back up, maybe cut a scene that takes the characters to a place that they shouldn’t go, or add to a scene that was missing essential elements that give the characters a realistic motivation. That last one just happened to me. I hated where I was going, it didn’t make sense why my character would be doing what she was doing or the people around her would let her do it. So going back over it, I added something that helped to make it make sense.

A story needs to be true to itself, or it balks.

I’ve just finished doing NaNoWriMo. I hit 50k words on November 14th and 100k words on November 29th.

But I have a problem once I hit those benchmarks that I’ve been aiming for. I stall out.

I want to keep writing, but I don’t know what to say—or maybe I really want to take a break.

Right now it’s an indecision about my plot. Do I need a revolution, or does it interfere with the main point of the story? But this is exactly where I am in the story, and it could go either way. It’s a total choice… which to choose?

And I’m so tired and the story has gone so fast that I can’t answer those questions. My brain is fuzzy.

The last time that happened, I figured out that I had taken a wrong turn in my story, and had to take away the resolution between the sisters and regain their sibling rivalry. Conflict helps stories. Of course, it took a few days to make that realization.

Maybe I need the time off. Maybe I don’t need to have the highest wordcount in NYC. Number three isn’t shabby. That’s not the point of this whole exercise, anyway. It’s to write. And write I did. I wrote more per day this month than Stephen King, who only write two thousand words a day. That ain’t nothin’ to sneeze at.

So, I’ve made my choice. Relax on the gonzo word count obsession. Take a breather. Allow for some thinking about plot, my characters, the other details that will enrich the story.

I also bought Stephen King’s “On Writing” because other Nanoers suggested it. I think I would like to read a little bit and do some reflection. Yes. I feel good about this choice.

No matter what stage you’re at, you are fighting against everything that has ever held you back in your life—mainly, that means you are fighting against yourself.

You know, come to think of it, when I was a teenager and had decided I wanted to be a writer, I wrote and wrote and wrote like there was no tomorrow. It didn’t seem all that hard while I was doing it—but I never finished anything. So maybe that’s where the stopping came into the picture.

Now, I’ve been reading avidly since I was 7 and writing since I was 15 and I went to college for English and creative writing and I spent my twenties writing as much fiction, poetry and journaling and everything as I possibly could, and I’ve read a master’s degree worth of writing books and I’ve taught children how to write and started writing groups and I’m sure there’s more I’ve forgotten

With everything I’ve done and learned, writing the pages is going relatively smoothly with some dips in wordcount here and there, but I still struggle with the same insecurities that muck up the writing.

I think it’s the same for all writers, but some writers have more efficient coping strategies to get over their humps.

The writing is going well for me, now, maybe because this NaNoWriMo is good at helping me get over my insecurities, but I have no idea what is going to happen when I hit the revision stage, or the showing stage. I’m really not so in to showing my work right now. I’m not even in to reading it myself.

Oh, well. One step at a time.

I am glad I took on the challenge of doing NaNoWriMo. It helps to have the external constraints. You only have this much time to do it, you have to write this many words. And to look at the boards and see how other people are going. I’m doing better than most—but that’s probably because I expect so much from myself I’m a little bit of a tyrant.

Having to write so fast is a bit of relief. Not editing is a relief. Just writing, just getting it down and ignoring the imperfections that I do get down. I suppose it’s a release from my perfectionist self.

I go through phases where I think it’s the worst gunk in the world, and then phases where I think about what I’ve written and think, “hey, it’s not so bad, it’s a start.”

And there are the days when I exceed my goals for myself, and I’m flying, thinking I really got it going on, I can really do this, and so on. But of course, there are the days when I fall short of my tyrannnical perfectionist goals I set myself, and then I fall into a bleak despair and am then afraid to continue because I will prove to myself that I can’t do it.

Fear following passion following disappointment following apathy following joy following self-loathing following determination following pride… it’s crazy.

This NaNo exercise is not really a game for me, although I know it kind of is for many people. I put a lot of weight on it. Pressure on myself.

I want to finish this novel, revise it. I want it to be good. I want to publish it and get a contract and have a real career in writing and make money and not have to go back to work some other person’s work.

I think also that I have been writing for a long time today, and am very tired and it’s late and I’m getting morose. Perhaps I should go to bed.

I’m going to slide this goal down on my list for November. I’m putting “Do NaNoWriMo” in it’s place. That goal is really a smaller part of this larger goal, and of course, has a shorter time span.

And NaNoWriMo is scary, because there is a deadline, and I am going to be held accountable by the contest. I need to psych myself up for NaNoWriMo.

It really isn’t that far off from what I want to develop in my own life… a steady writing practice… but doing it within the NaNoWriMo structure means I won’t be struggling out there on my own.

It’s good. It’s a good thing, even if I am scared. Scared of what? Commitment? Failure? Success?