of my “be here now” goal. And I love the wording of that goal, so this one’s being marked off.
sabryn has written 9 entries about this goal
I’m feeling smushy, if you can’t tell.
R and I saw Juno last night. Afterwards, we’re snuggling on the couch, and the topic turns to babies. He states that, were he to have a child, it would have blue eyes and black hair.
Mind you, he’s blond.
Then he laughs and says “well, you know, if we have a kid.”
A year ago, I’d abandoned the concept of ever having a child, seeing as how I’d been let down by the males I’d consented to date/live with/marry. And now here I am, contemplating marriage and babies. It’s amazing how things change, and what life can throw at you when you least expect it.
One of the things I don’t think I’ll ever get used to is how different the world looks when R is around. He is such a kind, loving person, and I’m proud to be his girlfriend. I could gush for hours here, but I think I’ll skip that and just reopen this goal.
Found a boy (man, now) I used to babysit for. He was born the day after my 10th birthday, and always held a special place in my heart. If I could pick the kind of child I could have, I’d pick him…the boy who looked after his baby sister no matter what, the boy who always had a hug and smile for you even when he felt bad, who by all appearances couldn’t think a mean thought, let alone hurt someone else.
He’s done two tours in Iraq. In his picture section is the comment “Kill them all…let God sort them out.” I’m not saying I don’t understand…I do, as much as I can from this side of the ocean. And included in his pictures are some very clear examples of how that little boy turned into the kind of man who would say that. I guess where I’m having trouble is finding wonder in a world that could turn take such a sweet boy and make him face such things that he would turn into the kind of man who feels that way.
Sometimes I look at him and wonder how I got so lucky. The way he smiles, the sound of his laugh, the way it feels when he wraps his arms around me…it is the essence of happiness. Sometimes when we least expect it, we get exactly what we need.
There seem to be a lot of birds in my wonder lately. A couple created a nest above my porch light, and I’ve watched their babies grow up. My parents bought a bird feeder for their kitchen window, which led to a second bird feeder, and now they’re talking about buying a third (for hummingbirds), and a bird bath. Yesterday we say a cardinal, a bluebird (I didn’t think those really existed!), and three adorable finches.
Little things, but they make a big impact.
Just read this in Wil Wheaton’s blog:
“I looked up and saw the most beautiful, enormous yellow moon I’ve seen in ages, perched perfectly between the branches of a tree in my backyard. It’s one of those gorgeous sights that only lasts a moment, doesn’t translate into a photograph, and will only live in my memory as long as I actively keep it there.”
I think it’s moments like this that drove me to write – things you can’t adequately photograph or describe to someone. I liked the challenge of trying to convey not the event, but the moment. So I could hang on to them, and share them. But perhaps what makes them so special is that the only way to truly experience them is to be there.
Right after Christmas, I was helping Mom clean out her cabinets and drawers. We were in the kitchen, and I was sorting through her recipe box while she was doing dishes. All of a sudden she grabbed my shoulder and said “look.” I searched the room, trying to figure out what I was supposed to be looking at…it was a bubble she’d made while washing dishes. We followed its progress around the room until it eventually committed suicide on the light fixture. The look on her face, watching that bubble…I’d give anything to have a picture of it.
When the weather warms up, I’m going to insist we go on a picnic. And I’m going to buy a big bottle of bubbles, and bring a camera.
Years ago, I spent a great deal of time in the company of my then-boyfriend’s niece. Mostly because I was the only one who would walk the floor with her all night when her colic was acting up. You could say we bonded. :)
To this day, I remember clearly the day it clicked in her mind that I was just a bigger version of her. She put her little hand on top of my hand and just stared at them for the longest time. Then she put her foot next to my foot and stared some more. Suddenly she looked up at me…the expression in her eyes! I want to be that enchanted and impressed with life.
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