Pay more attention to my appearance

I’ve done this. I don’t always get all dolled up, but I am paying more attention to how I look. Most importantly, I think I’ve found a comfortable balance between doing nothing about my appearance and obsessing to the point of misery. On to other things…

Naturally, this urge hits when I’m bloated to the gills, my face is broken out, and my hair is doing its best to relive the 80s. So pretty didn’t happen. But the thought’s still there…I’ve been online window-shopping for clothes and girly bath products. I’ve eyed my makeup a time or two, though I haven’t put it on (it’s probably old enough to be replaced, honestly). I’ve even contemplated swallowing my phobia of having a stranger wash my hair and getting a professional haircut for once.

Maybe this is a hormone thing – I am swimming in estrogen right now. Or maybe I’ve finally found the motivation I’ve been lacking – wanting to look good for me, not for anyone else. Time will tell, I suppose.

I’ve been thinking about this, and what I realized is that perhaps I’m lacking in motivation. In high school, my brief period of appearance interest was motivated by…boys, of course. I wanted to look pretty to get a boyfriend, and then I wanted to look pretty for my boyfriend. In college, I went through a makeup phase, but it was mostly camouflage; I felt like hell and it showed, so I was trying to cover up the damage. Then when I entered the work force, I was treated like I was 12 – careful makeup and suits in a business-casual environment seemed to give me some small margin of authority.

Now, however, what authority I have has been earned…by my abilities, not my looks. I still look younger without makeup…and I’ve reached the age where that’s more flattering than annoying. My boyfriend likes the way I look without makeup. And while I do think I look better with it, I don’t think I look horrid without it.

So I guess I’m not sure why, beyond a general grooming regimen (still working on that one), I should care. Maybe I don’t. In which case, this goal might go away.

I’ve been trying to figure out what I’m trying to accomplish with this goal. The way things have been going this past year-plus, any attention is more attention. I’ve got a bunch of outfits put together in my closet, ready to wear, but still seem to grab the same slacks and shirts when it’s time to get dressed. I wear jewelry so infrequently that people think I have a date when I do wear it; makeup is an even more rare occurrence. Some days (like today) I put forth some effort on my hair; mostly I don’t.

I guess what it comes down to is that, more often than not, I don’t even think about how I look. I don’t check my reflection in the bathroom while I’m washing my hands. I don’t fuss with my hair unless it’s irritating me, in which case I pull it back – with a rubber band or twisted up with a pen, whichever’s handy. My clothes are clean, but usually wrinkled. I trim my nails only when I start mixing numbers into my words when I type.

I used to care. Well, I guess that’s not entirely true – I’ve gone through phases when I’ve cared, but mostly I’ve never cared. Hm. Maybe what I need to think about is why this goal is on my list…is it here because I want it to be, or because I think it should be?

I’ve been eyeing this hair dryer for a while now. Conair Infiniti – a hair straightening dryer. What made me hesitate was the straightening attachment itself…it looked like some weird torture device, all teeth and clamps. Then the other day, curiosity got the better of me and I looked up some reviews on it. As usual, there were some positive, some negative, and a few mixed. It was either the second coming of hair dryers for the fuzzy-headed set, or the biggest waste of $60 next to slot machines.

Today, I threw caution to the wind and bought the thing. Came home and tried it out. No, it doesn’t magically transform my hair into what it was when I was a child…but it is a pretty darn good hair dryer. Total time, from start to touch-ups with the flat iron, was 15 minutes – it usually takes me that long just with the flat iron, starting with dry hair I’ve had in hot rollers for 10 minutes. For a person such as myself, who has difficulty using a regular hair dryer and brush with anything remotely resembling dexterity, this is a near miracle. And unlike after using regular hair dryers, my hair doesn’t feel like straw.

Will I use it every day? No…I’m too lazy. But I might not wear my hair in a ponytail quite so often now.

Of course, I’ve had two major incentives: R (of course), and this lady at work who always, always compliments me whenever I put the slightest effort into how I look. I’m still not wearing makeup much, but R tells me I don’t need it. And with the pollen count lately, I figure I don’t need anything else to add to the itching eyes.

The biggest update to this goal, though, is that I’m growing my hair out (again). It looks ok short (well, short for me), but is much easier to take care of when it’s long. I’m not going to do the whole Rapunzel thing again – though several people would like me to let it grow that long, that’s just not me anymore – but I think having it down to about the middle of my back would be nice. It’ll most likely take longer to straighten, but at least it’ll look better on the days when I can’t be bothered to mess with it.

Now I get to make you all think I’m completely insane. I’ve decided to get my hair trimmed and colored in a salon…because of a dream. But not just any dream. Last night I had a dream that I was at some celebrity award show, and John Stamos kept leaning over and pulling out my gray hairs.

It’s ok to say it. I woke up thinking “What the hell?” myself.

So I’m thinking I might be subconsciously bothered by the gray. Or maybe I’m completely misinterpreting the dream, and it means I’m going to travel by water or something. At any rate, I let A talk me into letting a professional tackle this mop. She’s promised to go along for moral support.

I’ve resumed planning my work outfits two weeks in advance. I’d started doing this before Christmas, but of course it was the first to fall by the wayside. Now I have two weeks’ worth of outfits, down to the jewelry and shoes, lined up and ready for my semi-conscious self to grab them and throw them on.

I’m not quite up to daily makeup yet, but it’s a start.

My straightening iron started to smoke last night. For 20 minutes after it was unplugged, so I don’t believe it was just hair product buildup. It’s in the trash now, so I have no choice but to buy a new one. I think I’ll go with a nicer one this time!

And since I’m making frivolous purchases, I think I might pick up some concealer, too. Foundation just does not take care of these dark circles.

I wore makeup yesterday, and a skirt and high-heeled boots. (Side note: why does it seem that I only get looked at by guys 10+ years older than me when I wear boots and a skirt? Are the young ones more subtle, or uninterested?) As soon as I get going today, I’ll do the same. Well, I might wear pants, but I’ll put some effort into looking pretty and festive. And of course I’ll do the same for Christmas. Three days running…wow.