be grateful

I have to remind myself constantly. For right now I am focused on what I don’t have (the relationship that I want….which wasn’t the one I had anyway, which is why I ended it. But I feel an emptiness in that part of my life), instead of what I do. Which is SO MUCH. And things might be changing soon if I get into the PhD program. Things bode well, but I keep having to remind myself that I want it. I feel like my head is on wrong!

I look around and am thinking about what I am happy or grateful for RIGHT NOW at this moment:

The subtle beauty and harmony of the colors of my apartment, that come from the light through the window, the orange-red lampshade shining on a stack of books on the end-table, my couch and carpet and surroundings that give me joy and peace.

Friends – to have dinner with tonight, to call on the phone, that called me, that I have plans to hang out with in the next few days, for a music festival, a movie, a minor league baseball game (go Pawsox!).

My parents – I am so grateful to have the relationship I do with my family, their bickering, their joys and annoyances, sorrows, that are so predictable and comforting in their every-day-ness. Anytime I want I can call and be a part of it.

Took a walk with the neighbors last night, down the park that is by the water. There were strong breezes off the water, and it was so cool and relaxing (and no bugs!). Reminded me of my vacation and how wonderful it was :)!

I’m in worry mode – DANGER, DANGER!

But I am grateful that I have been working on my worry/anxiety and I am better able to recognize (and hopefully cope). It’s a temporary state, which will pass though it’s tough right now.

Breathing into my heart the joy and relaxation from the past few weeks. I wanted to stay in those mental spaces – vacation time with S, totally relaxed and as it should be, then a long weekend with my parents, also relaxed and happy to be with them and help out a little (after mom’s surgery).

Grateful to be feeling WELL again! Everything is much easier – moving, dressing, showering, getting ready in the morning, etc. it’s probably the result of my few days of relaxation!!!!!!!