Get over it

I thought I was over it. I was even going out with an other person. So, I don’t understand why watching his facebook photos with his new girlfriend hurts so much. ( I finally removed him of my friends list; I don’t want to continue watching his displays of affection)
I’m mad at myself for feeling like this. I wish I could truly say ” I’m happy for him.” But there’s pain and sorrow inside me and I can’t deny it. I feel really sad.

was to realize what my heart truly wants. I don’t want to be begging for love. I want to be with someone who is also in a spiritual journey. I want a real, total love.

I decided to ask for professional help. I went to see a nice psychologist and she gave me an assignment: to write him a letter. I thought it was going to be easy, but it wasn’t. After several attempts I realized that my feelings for him were full of contradictions. Today I went to a beautiful park. I sat on a bench, and I was able to contemplate the flowers, the trees dancing with the wind. Finally I could write to him, I gave vent to my feelings, and I felt much lighter when I finished.It is a 3-page letter, and my heart beats in every single line. I can’t wait to show it to my therapist.

Seeing him again was the worst thing I could do. It was sad, humilliating and very painful for both of us. At least now is absolutely clear that I don’t have any reason to keep my illusions alive.
I tried so hard to be strong , but I couldn’t and I crumbled in front of him….I’m feeling so sad , but I’m trying hard to realize that it was the best…Lessons to be learned: don’t rush next time…don’t open yourself so fast..
Here I am, trying to become my best friend , and trying to ovecome this situation and learn, and grow…and forgive and continue believing in myself and my ability to love.

at night

withouth crying for him. I must be strong. If someday he comes back , I don’t want him to find a devastated person.