manage my Bipolar disorder

I managed not only to meet a very important deadline at work,but I received a big pat on my back. The coordinator told me that my report was well written. I still have more deadlines in front of me , I just need to resist 15 days until vacations. Developing that tunnel vision, focusing on one task at a time has been really helpful, I just wish I could learn to deal with pressure in a better way, I need to trust me, to be more organized, to juggle and smile. The encouraging comments I received here were really helpful. Thank you all for your help and support.

Trying to stand up. I talked to my boss she was very understanding, she told me to try to make things easier for me and that I have all her support. I still don’t know if I will be able to meet all my deadlines , but at least I will try to do it and pay attention to my health at the same time.

Nervous breakdown again…Not sleeping is a trigger for my crisis. I’m considering quitting my job…........I hope everything looks better in the morning, I thought I could get out of trouble alone. Though I had felt the need of therapy since weeks, I ignored myself and I didn’t set the necessary appointments with the psychologist and with my former psychiatrist.
I’m so scared of losing my job it’s not only the loss of the financial security it provides …losing my job will be for me a failure as a human being and I don’t know if I could stand up after that…I’m so scared …...praying helped me deal with the panic attack but since I was feeling suicidal I called my father …he’s been so kind and caring I love him very much… in spite of all the problems we had because of his divorce from my mom , he’s really one person that I love and admire. Thanks God for him.

...after a 5-hour sleep. I still need to become wonder woman to meet all my deadlines but at least I’m not feeling like crap today. Dear world here we go…...

I’m not sleeping well. I feel I’m on a depressive mood and it’s hard to get out of this alone. I will have to restart therapy again. Expensive but necessary to do before it’s too late.

Thanks for your cheers and your comments..
Now I’m much better. My physical health is not in very good conditions in this moment, in addition, I had to cope with the stress of a complex application process for a new job. These two things together led me to have a nervous breakdown on Friday. I was feeling stuck… I felt I was going to lose my current job and not get the other one…In my breakdown I got the sensation that if I didn’t have a job I was going to be a failure… the risk is still there … tomorrow is my third interview at the new job, but somehow I’ve understood that my health and my mental peace are more important than any job in the world…I just have to understand that my value as a human being doesn’t depend on the job I have. Being able to understand my fears and my negative thoughts was enough to overcome the crisis and I didn’t have to use any medication, I’m proud of myself for that. As I’ve said before , the important thing after you had fallen is to stand up and keep on walking towards the light , towards a better , happier, worry free life.

It’s so hard even to write this… After many good days I’m in darkness again…I hate rellapses, I hate feeling so sad, so out of control….

-Beating depression was much harder this time… my usual methods didn’t work, so my therapist prescribed me an antidepressant..let’s see how it works.
(In spite of depression I’ve managed to attend work and to fulfill my duties though not as well as I wanted…)
My love has been extremely patient with me and I really appreciate his company and support.
I hate relapses…I hate the feeling of temporarily forgetting who I am and what I like..
I hate the sensation of being guilty for not recognizing that there is so much to be thankful for…
( Of course hatred doesn’t help..)
I need to find a dream , a goal, something that gives sense to my life.

My sister is out from the hospital, she’s doing a great job taking her meds and reorganizing her life. I have to do a good job, too. I know I need to get more sleep. Thanks for your cheers and your good wishes.

It cost me a lot ( I had to adjust my meds), but finally I have recovered that feeling of being strong, I have recovered the hope of being a better worker, sister, daughter, aunt and woman.
Sleeping well, doing yoga, talking to my therapist and friends, and having faith helped me a lot.
My sister is still in the hospital.. she is not allowed to receive visits… she is always on my mind, but I know that to help her, I have to be balanced. I’m not wonder woman and I can’t carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.
My best wishes to all of you who are out there struggling with this illness.