Ashley in Orange County is doing 22 things including…

have sex

22 cheers

 

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Ashley has written 2 entries about this goal

W.V.E.

So I’ve been deemed the Worst Virgin Ever… it’s both sad and true. I have the sex drive of a man and a meager amount of self control. Somehow I didn’t factor this in when I began to hang out with a couple of life long friends, two boys and their 3 very single friends. Now I’m the only girl in an otherwise sausage fest and 4 out of five of them are my new problems. I consistently make out with one of them. In true one night stand fashion, I made out with a second last saturday while the others were conveniently either occupied or absent. A third has a great interest in me, as does a fourth. The fourth is the only one I can see myself having an actual relationship with and I want to. He’s the only one that I’m attracted to that I have not made out with, but I suppose that’s because I actually care about him in that way.

I’m not sure how long I can keep all of this up, though in a most selfish way, I’m enjoying every minute of it. The first boy, I know, isn’t really a problem… he’s the “man whore” of the group and as far as I know we have a pretty consentual agreement that we don’t want a relationship with each other. The second, however, I fear I’m going to hurt… I feel really bad about that. The third is going away to work at a camp all summer and will undoubtedly be just fine. The fourth, I hope, never finds out about the first two, because I really don’t want to ruin that… yet somehow I think I already have. I told him that I’d be a bad girlfriend now… which is clearly true. I told him that I would not ask him to wait for me to be ready, but that, come my return from Europe next spring, if we still have feelings for each other I’d love to be with him. That statement holds true, but the timing is oh so bad, as recent events have proven. I just want to be free to be evil for a bit… unfortunately I’m succeeding quite easily…



celibacy

Days like today make it really lonely being the chaste one in the group. My friend and her boyfriend had sex for the first time last week, right after he said “I love you” for the first time. She was talking today about how she’s never had sex with feelings like that behind it, and that it was the best sex she’s ever had… I just smile and nod, and occasionally ask naive questions that make me feel like a 13 year old in sex ed. I don’t like hearing about that “connection” that I’m missing out on, it just makes me feel like I have intimacy issues… which I don’t. The intimacy is what I’m trying to protect and keep sacred, but days like today it just makes me feel alone. No one really wants to be “the virgin.”



Ashley has gotten 22 cheers on this goal.

 

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