The best advice I’ve ever been given with regards to marriage is that you shouldn’t look for the perfect man but the perfect relationship. The perfect man has central qualities that almost any woman would look for: smart, funny, good looking, hard working, sweet, romantic, ect. No woman is going to say she wants a fat, ugly retard for a husband. On the other hand, the perfect relationship is different for everyone. Some people want a family, some people want a career, some people want to travel. Certain women want to work, others want to stay home. Some want to be submissive, others dominant, others, still, seek equality. The level of independence, activity, etc all has to do with the relationship rather than personal characteristics. This is where my worries begin.
For all intents and purposes, I have found the perfect man. He is smart, funny, genuine, driven, determined, good looking, thoughtful, insightful, dedicated, loyal, forgiven, Godly, healthy and a whole slew of other things that make any man desirable on so many levels. For the time being we have a wonderful relationship full of fun and interesting endeavors, honest conversations and growth. Unfortunately I think that we want very different things for our lives, so much so that they seem contradictory to where the other is headed and might perhaps limit the others happiness in the grand scheme of life. Needless to say, I’m quite upset about the whole thing.
You see, I am not exactly the most maternal person to have existed on God’s green planet, I am not positive that it is my lot in life to be a mother, and what’s more is that I am okay with that. He, on the other hand, wants nothing more than to be a father, and he’d make a wonderful one at that. I, being the selfish person that I am, am much more interested in traveling, seeing the world and doing what I can to make the world a better place without being tied down to my own obligations. Don’t get me wrong, one of my greatest desires is to have a husband to share it all with: traveling, volunteering, etc. But I feel, more and more so, that there is so much that humanity already requires and thus it might not be me that is supposed to bring more beings into the world that require my attention. Perhaps I am supposed to attend to the needs of those who already exist. I’m not sure that I should bring all of this up to him until after I get a taste of London. After all, I may realize that I am terribly mistaken after living in another country and seeing how well I handle it. I do have a feeling that, because of my independence, I will be more than capable of coping.
Perhaps this is dilemma where the cynic in my takes over, but to me this whole dilemma really proves that sometimes love is not enough. This situation is, by no means, a result of my lack of love for him. On the contrary, I do not think that I have ever been in such a wonderfully loving relationship. If I was not one to look ahead so frequently, there would be no problem. But because I am that girl who dates for marriage, this is an issue that I cannot ignore. I refuse to put my own purpose in life aside for another, likewise I could never justify hindering another from doing that which brings them the most joy. I am afraid that if our relationship is consummated, that one of us will have no choice but to sacrifice ourself for the other’s dreams, and that scares the shit out of me.